They sleep

Good morning, everyone! It's Monday again! Or, at least, it will be soon, since I'm writing this Sunday night, just after having watched the premiere of True Blood (which required that we order HBO a few hours ago, which was totally worth it. I even convinced the cable representative on the other end of the phone to start reading the Sookie Stackhouse books, so it's a win-win).

But my point here is not to reflect on True Blood and my total weakness for good television. I'm here tonight/this morning to tell you that for the first time in history Alyce and Shira are sleeping/have slept in the same room. At the same time. Together.  It's been a long couple of years with us having to share a room with one of our children, some of the time Shira sleeping in her crib in our room, or Alyce on a mattress on our floor while Shira enjoys the girls' room all to herself (as we've done the last seven months at my mum's), or, sometimes, one of them in bed with us. I love sleeping close to my girls. But holy cow am I excited for some privacy again.

We will be moving in three weeks to a small apartment with only two bedrooms. This leaves us with no other choice than to put Alyce and Shira in the same room because we are not, I repeat, not interested in squeezing one of the children into what will be a very small parent bedroom. We've always known that they would eventually share a room (and we even tried combining them when Shira was eight months, with little success) and outside of practical necessities we think there are so many good reasons for siblings to share a room. We're both only children (mostly) and I know I've always dreamed of having a sister close to me, sharing a room and all the secrets that go along with it (please don't burst my sibling bubble. I'm enjoying it right now). I want that for Alyce and Shira, and though I know it might be a tough transition, it's ultimately for the good.

Since moving will require so many transitions for the girls, we thought we would start with the new sleeping arrangement now, giving them some time to work out their demands issues. So tonight we tucked Shira into bed first, gave her some time to fall asleep, and then threw Alyce in the room. Alyce has taken to the changes well, helped in part by the new heart-infested duvet cover she received today. She's excited, so I'm excited.

Here are a few things I'm looking forward to:

• Reading a book before bed by the light of a table lamp instead of the light of my iPhone
• Not stepping on seventeen dollies all lined up around my side of the bed, placed lovingly by Alyce before she finally fell asleep
• More alone time
• Yes, you know what I'm talking about, but since my mum reads this blog I just can't seem to bring myself to say sex. Crap. 

 Here are a few things I will miss:

• An easy bedtime routine (since we had things down to a science with them sleeping separately)
• Seeing Alyce's face asleep on the floor next to me 
• Waking up to Alyce's face first thing in the morning

I'm writing this post after only a few hours of room-sharing. Things could go badly still, I know, but whatever happens we'll figure it out. (That brings me to some advice I'd like to offer new parents, not that you're asking: when things are tough with your children, especially through transitions like weaning, sleeping, or toilet learning, it always feels like it will never end, that you will be suffering in that moment until the end of time. But you won't be. Eventually they adapt, they learn, or they move on to some other transition. When you're in the middle of it all it feels endless, but it won't be long, I promise).

So wish us luck and I'll report back later!

P.S. Do you have any advice for introducing siblings to sharing a room? Shira is still in a crib and I expect will be for another sixish months. Any suggestions?

P.P.S. Has anyone read the new Sookie Stackhouse, Deadlocked? I didn't even realize that it had come out.

Someone please create a helpful tutorial on raising siblings

I have no idea what I'm doing.

In Delaware I taught a prenatal class on how to best prepare children for the birth of a new sibling. It was delightful. I know babies. Sure, I've only had two of them, but I feel confident that I know what to do with them, for the most part. I know how to love them, smell their heads, swaddle their bodies, rub their baby skin, and breastfeed them, and I loved sharing all the wonders of new babies with excited older children. We made crafts, played with dollies, and whispered to each other about how much we loved babies. 

It turns out that I only really know a thing or two about siblings when one of those siblings is a new baby. I need some help, and I need it now. Can someone please tell me what I'm supposed to do with grown-up baby siblings, because I truly have no idea. I was an only child growing up and so I can't even rely on a distant muscle memory of living with brothers or sisters. I have memories of my friends arguing a lot with their siblings, so I've filed that under "normal" in the daily sibling behaviour category, but I need more data.

Here's what I know so far: Alyce and Shira love each other a ton. It's not even unidirectional. I expect that Shira adores her big, bright, and bouncing older sister, but the feeling, it seems, is mutual. Take our evening Snack and Show. Every night after dinner Alyce has Snack and Show, wherein she snuggles into my mum's bed with, you got it, a snack and a show. Until last week this has always been a solo event for Alyce, a great way to keep her busy while I nurse Shira before bed. But since Shira insists on growing up, it has become obvious that she's ready to join Alyce. The two of them enjoy their snacks side by side, and only sometimes argue over Toopy and Binou (Shira) and The Backyardigans (Alyce).

Snack and Show I can handle. Even my mum and stepfather put up with crumbs in their bed every night. I have this sibling event down.

But taunting each other throughout every meal, I'm not sure what to do with that. Don't get me wrong, it makes me giggle sometimes. But parents of siblings: does this ever stop? Of course it won't. I don't even know why I'm asking. They've discovered a new hobby, these two, and it's called "how much of my food can I shove back out of my mouth to gross out my sister." Other recent mealtime hobbies include, but are not limited to, sneaking food off the other sister's plate, throwing the watermelon at the dog, and, my personal favourite, the "who can yell the loudest?" game. Yes, I'll keep working on manners, but let's face it. It's going to be a losing battle.

I've also been introduced to the horror endured by the older sibling over the younger one tagging along at every turn. Alyce had settled in for some floor baking with her Nana the other day, and it took all of five minutes before Shira insisted on joining in. I have to say, Alyce took it well. But it doesn't always go down like that. Yesterday Alyce had approximately 4,864 meltdowns because Shira wanted all of her favourites. I was endlessly annoyed that Alyce wouldn't just share, but when I thought about it for a minute I realized that it must be a hard lesson for older siblings, and often a losing battle. The baby always gets the sympathy of the parent. Older siblings out there? Please send help.

I think I'm also just not used to the LOUD. That's not going to go away either, is it? I'm coming to terms with it all because, well, I like my family. But I think I just need a little encouragement, a nudge here and there to remind me how to be a parent of siblings. I don't need help loving them both, but I do need some assistance in the "is this normal" category of parenting. Is it normal that Alyce shoved Shira out of her way this morning leading to a cut lip on Shira's face? Probably, it was pretty minor and Alyce felt terrible for doing it. She sang Shira endless songs while Shira nursed the pain away. Is it normal that Shira tried to smother Alyce with a place mat during lunch today? I expect it is. Either way, I'll be waiting for your help.

One last thing: I have come to appreciate the ingenuity of an older sister trying to defend against the destruction of a younger one. Alyce spent an hour building a castle on the kitchen floor the other night, a glorious structure of which she was very proud. After suffering a few destructive blows from Shira, Alyce solved the problem by surrounding her palace with barricades (kitchen chairs). I really respect that girl.

When they form a gang

Find the rest at here. Thank you Amber Dusick, for illustrating my life.

Our routines since we all returned to Canada have been all over the place. Our home routines have always seemed a bit different than most, but that's mostly because our lives were shaped by both the freedoms and limitations of academic life. Matt could stay home with them in the morning while I worked, then we'd switch places in the afternoon. It was a gift to be able to work around an academic schedule, where our work could be slipped in between classes and other obligations (at times it was also a curse, as anyone who works from home can tell you). Things are much the same now, though we don't have actual jobs to work around yet. But like before, we take turns giving the other one space to get some work done, whether it's looking for jobs, working part-time, or simply getting some well-earned alone time. Things will change a bit now that I'm staying home with them more often.

But I'm straying from my actual point here, and it is this: whatever the routine, Matt and I each spend a lot of time alone with both kids during the week, and I'm fairly certain the two of them plan out how best to gang up on the one of us. I expect that it's usually Alyce doing the scheming, but I should really give Shira more credit (because I'm pretty sure her wild pleas for attention are often just about distracting me from the goings on in the next room). However the plans are hatched, it has become evident that the two have learned to work together, as a team, to make us run harder, faster, and in more circles, around the games they play. Sometimes it's truly irritating, but mostly it's just hilarious.

But don't tell them I said that.

Any of you more seasoned parents more than one child have any advice for me?

We're still around, just a little quiet.

New favourite shows include The Backyardigans, Toopy and Binoo, and Manon.

Package of dry beans + pots = Very Serious Fun

 

 

Shira would like you to know that she can do it herself, re: brushing her teeth.

While I can't say the same for Alyce and Shira, I've been feeling a bit quiet lately. I'm working a lot at my temp job, still not loving it,* and dealing with a few too many grown-up type responsibilities. There are a few changes happening around here (alas, not on the job front), and I'll be posting about these in the next couple of days. But the week has not been all bad, including the following:

-Indian food and birthday shopping for Alyce with mum

-A wonderful afternoon spent with a dear friend I haven't seen often enough these last few years

-An excellent case of the giggles

-We got a minivan. I KNOW! More on that later, too. In the meantime, I need to cover it with bumper stickers and racing stripes. 

Sleep tight. I hope it's the best of weeks!

*Just so we're clear: understatement of the millennium.

Ten Things I've Learned This Week About Feeding My Children

1. I will always end up being the one crying in the corner. Every time.

Moving on, then.

2. If you join us for dinner, be prepared for Alyce shrieking at the possibility that I've hidden something in her macaroni and cheese. It was pepper, Alyce. PEPPER. Clearly, I've been discovered.

3. Did you know that Shira loves pears? No, wait, she hates them. Nope, she loves them! No, wait, she still hates them. What's that Shira? You NEED them? You needed them five minutes ago? Not anymore? Not ever? Of course. I give up. Again, sobbing.

4. Alyce is such a Nosy Parker that she'll insist on trying anything that's on my plate--even if she's disgusted by it--just in case I tried to sneak a piece of chocolate inside my quinoa.

5. Shira, I'm just not buying the melodrama.




6. When Alyce asks for peanut butter toast she doesn't actually want toast, and if you bring her anything toasted, well, I wouldn't want to be you. What she really wants is peanut butter on a piece of untoasted bread. She'll take some jam, too, if you've got any.

7. The one way to ensure that your child will not like a food is to order it by the case. If anyone needs a case of organic baby oatmeal, you know where to find me.

8. I don't ask much of the cats. The least they could do is eat the cheerios on the floor. Instead they spend all their time circling the table, awaiting their chance to swipe the more desirable yogurt or shredded cheese. Maybe it's time to remind them that I can unsign the adoption papers. Especially Lucy's.

9. Pediatricians, parenting books, and all manner of dinner experts will tell you not to stress over how or how much your child eats. They are probably right, and if I were writing a book on feeding kids (which I'm not), I might suggest the same thing. After all, my husband survived an entire year on olives. But no matter how many times you read about how you shouldn't stress, feeding kids can be really annoying. When you hard-boil eggs, make egg salad, offer it to your child who loves egg salad, and then have it handed back to you as though you handed her a salad of stinging nettles, it drains a person.

10. A three-year-old is a most useful ally in distracting a stubborn baby at the dinner table. I will always be grateful for Alyce's help, whether it is her pterodactyl impression (a reliable laugh, for sure) or her mash-up of John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt and ABCs.

Sunday

10:15 am

Help me, Internet.

Alyce is in meltdown mode, though I'm not sure what triggered it today. Wait, of course I do! Matt and I had an entire fun Sunday planned (the Children's Museum in Philadelphia). There were a lot of meltdown problems in December, but January was delightfully free of melodrama (not including a certain tiny non-sleeper), so today threw me for a loop. I was Unprepared Parent today (not the first, or the last, time), in shock that Alyce wouldn't get dressed so that we could go. After a few attempts to bring Alyce back down to Earth it has become clear that we're not going anywhere. Alyce is calming down (read: crying) in her room, while I calm down (read: mope over not going to the museum) in the living room.

10:45 am

So Alyce has calmed down and agreed to put on clothes, and I've asked her to spend the next hour playing quietly on her own. I'm still feeling a bit on edge (it's been a long morning on my own while Matt's working) and I need some space. Naturally Alyce has been standing one half inch away from me for twenty minutes, as she always does after she senses that I'm upset with her, as though she's trying to crawl back into the womb.*

11:00 am

We're still occupying the same physical space and I need a break. So I take Shira and head to our room, and Alyce is one tiny step behind me the whole time. She can sense that I'm frustrated and I can see in her little face that she just wants me. So I ask her to find some books and we all lay on our bed and it is lovely, except for having to read Dora's Flowers for Mami Unicorn for 5,867th time. Things go well until I ask her to stop kicking her sister, and then we're back to our separate time outs.

12:15 pm

Matt's home and I've escaped to the girls' room to nurse Shira before her nap, when she starts fighting me. I need that fight like I need another cat, so I put her in bed and I hide under my own covers. Alyce finds me in two minutes.

1:30 pm

Matt and Alyce are playing on the floor while I'm knitting on the couch. A lovely break! No wait, Alyce is trying to tie the yarn around her neck and I just know she's going to give me trouble when I ask her to stop strangling herself. Done and done. Another cry.

3:00 pm

Clearly I'm asking for trouble today, so why not push it just a tiny bit further? Alyce? Let's go to the mall!

3:30 pm

The mall on a Sunday is rough, but we're a team, me and Alyce. I've strapped her into the stroller (there will be no chasing through the mall today) and she's relatively happy to shop. Our mission today is to find pants that fit Shira's, ahem, rolls. To be fair, her cloth diaper makes pants difficult to fit. That, and she loves milk. We decided on some stretch pants and leggings, and an ice-cream t-shirt for Alyce.

4:00 pm

Getting out of the house is a good thing. Alyce thrives when we're on the go. Sure, she asks for the odd ice-cream cone, but otherwise she's giving me no real trouble. What she does give me are thirty questions every five minutes. After the day we'd had, I just can't take it anymore.

Alyce: I'm hungry.
Me: So we should home and have some dinner!
Alyce: Why should we go home?
Me: Because we're hungry.
Alyce: Why am I hungry?
Me: Because you haven't eaten in a little while and you told me you were.
Alyce: Why did I tell you?
Me: Because unicorns made you. (That's my most reliable answer.)

The sane part of my brain loves Alyce and her questions. I love to see those big eyes take in the world and then watch as her brow furrows (just like her papa) while she tries to figure it all out. But that part of my brain requires a steady stream of patience, and did you guess? I am all out.

4:20 pm

I'm pushing Alyce in her stroller, searching for our car. It takes us twenty minutes and Alyce is filled with helpful and hilarious suggestions, trying to help. We're both laughing when we find The Kia.

Somehow we ended today, lost, and making each other laugh.


*At one point today I asked Alyce if she remembered what it was like when she was growing in my uterus. She said it was soft.

Keep Checking Your Mailbox

Could she be any cuter? Certainly not. My Alyce was addressing and adorning a letter to her Nana today. Of course, her Nana won't receive this letter for a long while because she's busy cavorting in Mexico. Won't she be regretting her decision, now that she knows a letter from her grandchild is in her mailbox right now. I'm just saying.

A Risky Development

Alyce now knows how to use the remote control. Come back next week when Alyce has mastered the DVR and replaced all my Ally McBeal reruns with episodes of Dora. I'm not even kidding.