Papa

I knew it would happen. Alyce usually calls to her Papa in the night, not me. Of course it used to be, back when she was looking in the dark for some milk. But once I was pregnant a few months with Shira and she had weaned from that last early morning nursing, it was Matt who got up for her in the night (so that I could toss and turn my uncomfortable pregnant body uninterrupted through the night, and then later nurse Shira every four minutes). Even though it's been a year and half since Alyce weaned, she still often wakes a few times through the night, sometimes to pee and other times because she just needs to know that someone is there. At these times she's usually not even awake, but she cries out for Papa, who always rushes into her room for a quick back rub and and a kiss.

Alyce didn't call for Matt the first two nights he was away. The first night she was in bed with me (after a sleepover with her cousin went awry), and the second night she slept silently. But last night around 11:00, when I was finally falling asleep myself, I heard a very sorrowful cry for Papa. This time it was me rushing in, and for the first time ever I found crawling into bed with her. She was quite upset, though still very sleepy. Maybe it was a bad dream? Maybe she just missed her Papa. Whatever it was, when I asked if she wanted me to snuggle with her she quickly nodded her head and made room for me next to her. I've mentioned before how I often miss my first nursling who is now far to busy to sit close with her Mama, and now I understand why so many parents find themselves sleeping with their little ones at night.

But back in reality-world, where I'm not only sliding into bed with Alyce, but up with Shira four times through the night, and also being summoned later in the night by Alyce to help her find her water cup, I know I'll need to keep up with a better overnight routine in order to get some sleep for myself. But I've learned many times over since becoming a parent, sometimes you just need to do whatever it takes to get sleep in the moment. And last night I found that moment in bed with a three year old who missed her Papa.

Phase Two

There is this feeling around here like everything is beginning anew. We've moved on to Phase Two of our family's adventure. Phase One had both of us in graduate school and one of us working as an assistant professor, and the future was outlined in the both of us settling down in academia, probably somewhere in the U.S., most certainly without family around. There were certainly more children to be had someday soon.

Phase Two shares few of the same details.There will still be more children to come. But instead Canada will (hopefully) be our permanent home, family will certainly be close by, and we will not be Professor and Professor. Actually, we have no idea at all what we'll be doing for work (well, I do know what I'll be doing eventually, but for the time being I'll be doing something else). We also don't yet know where we'll be living (me and the girls are staying with my mum for now), or where Alyce will begin school in the fall. This is a lot of unknown, and if I didn't know better, I'd be starting a massive freakout right about now.

Cue freakout.

But strangely, I'm not freaking out. Things feel ok. I'm missing Matt already (especially when I was cleaning out three litter boxes tonight: gross), but I have a good feeling about all of this (except for the litter boxes). Now I'm not saying that I'm completely at ease about all of these unknowns, in that very sophisticated-yet-casual kind of way that I covet in other people (along with their effortless style), but I'm not freaking. I've been known in the past to stick my head in the sand when it comes to annoying, grown-up tasks, but I don't even think that's it. All I can describe is that I feel propelled in a forward direction right now, and I'm enjoying it. Here are all the things that I know:

• I will find a job
• Matt will be home in five weeks
• We will find a new home
• Immigration will occur
• Alyce will begin school in the fall
• I will take the morning off from my new job and sob while I walk her to school that first day

I have had a terribly long couple of days and I'm exhausted. Where all this positive talk is coming from, I don't know. Let's just enjoy it while we can, shall we?

P.S. Does anyone have any suggestions for job-searching in Southern Ontario?

Just us

Matt left yesterday and it's just me and these two craziesdarlings for five weeks. As I've mentioned before, Matt will be gallivanting around Germany and Poland for the month of June and some of July, teaching both University of Delaware students and some local Warsaw students a course on Poland during the second World War. I'm more than a little envious and I would more than a little like to join him, but this time we can't swing it. There are babies to breastfeed (one in particular), immigration applications to file, and jobs and houses to find. You know, the little things.

There are moments, and this is one of these moments, when I start to wallow in my own pity-party about not going to Europe with my husband, but it will be alright. I'll stay home with the girls and we'll all miss Matt together. And together we can make Canada ready for his formal grand entrance.

In the meantime, I'll be posting about my temporary single-parent adventures and you can all help me think of the delightful things Matt should bring us home.

We miss you, Matty. Come home soon.

P.S. I realize that I'm obsessed with photos of sleeping Shira, but can you blame me?

Evolution of a Painter

I hope some of her spirit rubs off on me.

P.S. Her belly was stained pink for two days.

Ten things I miss about the U.S.A.

1. Trader Joe's. I can't even begin to express how much I miss grocery shopping at Trader Joe's, and the very real despair I feel knowing that Canada has not a single Trader Joe's in the country. Not a one. Here is a short list of things I'm already missing: sea-salt brownies, endless bags of affordable dried fruit and nut combinations, the cheese selection, hazelnut dark chocolate bar, organic veggie broth. I really could go on and on, so I'll stop. I'm not the only one who relies on Trader Joe's for optimum household maintenance. So Trader Joe's, until next we meet.


2. NPR. Specifically, WHYY in Philadelphia. I have always loved CBC radio and I'll continue to do so for years, I'm sure. Canadian public radio has many things to offer, I think, and I just need to rediscover its treasures. But NPR, oh how I adore you. I know that the most of the shows are available as podcasts, so I'll still be able to listen to Fresh Air and This American Life and Car Talk (I love this show for and have no explanation as to why), but there was just something about my local NPR station that I loved. It was comforting (get a room, why don't you). Did I mention I was very lonely sometimes? 

3. The Birth Center. What can I say? I gave birth to Shira at this wonderful place. My midwives were kind, competent, and funny, and most of all, they knew to leave me alone during most of labour. I liked especially how Sarah had to tell me to stop closing my legs when it was time for the final push. (It hurt a lot. Can you blame me?) I especially liked the giant tub of water I delivered in, even though I was cursing how long it took to fill when I arrived at the Birth Center at eight cm dilated. (Katie, the midwife: "It should only take fifteen minutes." Me, the labouring mama: "In fifteen minutes this baby will be out and going to kindergarten. Do it faster." At least that's what I wanted to say. Always the people-pleaser, I think I kept my mouth shut and just gave her the stink-eye.)

4. New York City: I have only visited three times, and even though one of those trips was a challenge, I feel magical in NYC, and I liked being only two hours away.

5. Philadelphia Please Touch Museum for Kids: No contest, the best kids museum. Alyce knew that place like the back of her little hand and would have made an excellent tour guide for Shira one day. This place has it all: water to splash, gardens to build, babies to nurse back to health, groceries to buy and put away, and the best Alice in Wonderland tea party around. Alyce has asked me three times this week if we can go to The Museum. I've been avoiding her, trying to buy some time in order to find out if there is one anywhere in Ontario (which will never compare--did I mention there is a carousel inside the museum?--but it might appease) . Please someone tell me there is.

6. Willa Road Children Center: They loved Alyce, we loved all of them. Alyce began daycare at thirteen months and after a brief transition adjustment (that was me, actually), it became that kind of place for Alyce where everyone knew her name (but they only served pints of regulation milk, water and juice). A lovely new routine developed for us, where we would excitedly look forward to Alyce telling us about her day (and eventually, when she learned actual words, we could even understand her). It is a very special place, and we are sad to leave it behind.

7. Parades: American know how to do a parade. Halloween, Memorial Day, anything you want. I'll miss those, and maybe nudge a few Canadians to take to the streets a little more often.

8. Online shopping: Don't even get me started. Alright, just for a moment. In the U.S.A. you can have ANYTHING delivered to your door. Need diapers? Sure, they will be there tomorrow. Want to throw in a dvd player because your old one broke? Sure, we've got those, too. Can we set up a schedule for you where everything you need arrives every month at your door? We'd love to! For a family of four (we go through a lot of stuff) and the owners of a teeny tiny Kia (that doesn't hold much of anything), online shopping was delightful. Canada? Let's get on with it.

9. Pandora: I don't really understand the internet, but I know what I like, and I like Pandora. For some reason (maybe someone can explain this to me), Pandora doesn't work in Canada. I am going through a massive withdrawal from all that wonderful music. Someone please fix this.

10. These two faces. I miss you both a lot.

Book club

"There once was a mouse who was very lonely and didn't have any toys. Then he got toys. The end."

-Alyce, book club member since 2007

A little tired. A little complainy.

We're all still adjusting to this crazy mess of a move. In case you were wondering, Shira's been able to sleep through the chaos. With just a few bumps, her sleep has been great. We even found her a new crib. It's been a big week.

Matt leaves for Poland this weekend, so I'm hoping to sneak in at least five naps before he leaves. Should I say that louder in case he didn't catch that? FIVE NAPS! One for every week that he is abandoning us. It's all starting to sink in now, that he's really leaving us for more than a month. I am so grateful that I'll have my mum around to help, but since she's at work until 6:00 every day, most of each day will just be me and the girls. I will now use this opportunity to solicit invitations from friends who would like to have us over for a visit. We are a crazy bunch, but we mean well.

I had a second interview last week for a job I'd really like to have. Fingers crossed please, internet. This world of job seeking and interviewing is so new to me and I'm not sure I like it. One of the perks of academia, at least for the stage I was in (i.e., not yet searching for a tenure-track position), was the way jobs had a way of finding me. Sometimes I'd have to submit a CV to a department chair, but other times the department chair would contact me and offer a TAship or even a part-time teaching contract. (Excuse me for a moment while I dodge the stink-eye coming my way from everyone else in the world who has had to find work the regular annoying way.) This is to say that my academic behind is being kicked by this new world of job hunting. 

I know. Poor me. But with the month I've had, and the move we've had, I'm just in one of those moods. But it's nothing a little nap can't fix, right Matty? In fact my mood is improving just thinking about it.

Happy Monday, everyone.