My weekend

I was about to ask about how your weekend was, past tense, until I realized that the weekend isn't over yet. There are still a few hours left with great possibility, like that episode of True Blood that is recording at this very moment in the other room. Or those cookies that are still warm, waiting for some visitors we're expecting tomorrow, visitors of the best friend variety (Alyce's best friend, that is). I think in honour of the weekend I should have at least one more. Maybe two.

Speaking of cookie baking, have I mentioned to you how foreign my oven is to me still? I just can't figure this new oven (or stove, for that matter) out. It runs what seems to be a million degrees (give or take) hotter than the temperature I set it to, with the obvious result that I am over-backing everything. Yes, I realize the answer is as simple as buying an oven thermometer to catch it in the act and to make the necessary readjustments, and I will. But I feel as though we are in a fight, me and my oven, and I'm feeling a little stubborn (my husband knows nothing of this approach of mine, nothing of my unbudgingness). Soon I will grow tired of overdone cookies and muffins and make a peace offering in my new kitchen.

But back to the weekend. It was filled with so many different emotions. There was the constant breastfeeding demands from Shira that made me think about, for the very first time, how I might be ready to end our nursing before she's ready. I hope to write about that later this week. For now, it's too fresh, too wrapped up in feelings of sadness over the end of this particular relationship with Shira, feelings of relief that I might just (finally) make a decision, and amazement that Shira has grown so much that we're here even having this conversation. No matter how I'm feeling I can assure you that Shira is not keen to make any changes. We'll see how this goes.

My weekend also included time with a good friend, someone I've missed dearly all these years we've spent away from Toronto. We wandered together downtown, shopping and snacking (a great combination if you ask me). Did I mention the girls were at home with their Papa? Sneaking away with good friends is reason 3,487 I'm happy to be back in Toronto. (You might want to visit, you know. Maybe this will inspire you further.) Today I spent time with another favourite girl, this time my Alyce. We adventured along the bus and subway in order to meet up with other good friends for a movie and some lunch. A weekend like this reminds me that I am rich in friends.

How was your weekend? I always ask and I always mean it: how did you spend your time? 

Have a great week!

(Follow me on Instagram! @mostdaysiwin)

An interview with Nicola

Do you have any good friends that had the nerve to pick up and move across the ocean? Me, too. My friend Nicola helped get me through high school, not only with dignity, but with an impressive number of concerts under my belt, including Sonic Youth on my birthday. In school I always admired her independence, kindness, and her ability to drop class at a moment's notice so that we could wait in line for concert tickets. She was also my prom date.


Nicola moved back to England while I was away at university. Sad? Terribly. But with the help of excellent long distance plans and the glorious internet, we've stayed close. Which was lucky for me because Nicola was my first friend to start a family. She has experience, this one, and she agreed to answer some of my questions. Listen closely because you might be able to capture a bit of her magic: she can find the humour in absolutely everything, a quality I absolutely adore. Being a parent is hard work, yes, but the ability to roll your eyes and go with it some days is a gift.

You can find Nicola at Canuck aboot Toon and on Twitter @Mammy_P

 1. Tell us a little about yourself and introduce those glorious little boys of yours.


I’m Nicola, I’m 36.  I’m a British/Canadian ex-pat-re-pat.  That is to say: I was born in England, grew up in Canada, and now I live back in England again.  I’m married to Jason who is 42, and my kids are Benjamin Jonathan who is 7, and Jude Alan who is 2.  If you’re clever at math (I just had to double check the number on my fingers) you’ll notice that Ben was an only child until he was nearly 6 – I always knew I wanted more than one kid, but the time never seemed quite right... until it did, of course.  Ben is like a sponge; when he decides he likes something, he soaks up facts and figures about whatever it is with a drive and determination that amazes me; I hope he carries this trait with him through his whole life.  When he was a toddler, he liked fans.  Y’know – ceiling fans.  Desk fans.  Windmills.  Anything that spun round.  He’d walk into your house and immediately do a recce of every room to check out your fan-to-no-fans ratio.  Then he moved onto gardening equipment.  Lawn mowers, strimmers, leaf blowers.  Now he’s moved onto tanks, and World War II.  Phone our house right now and ask him how many millimetres thick the armour on so-and-so American tank is and he’ll tell you and then TRAP YOU ON THE PHONE FOR AN HOUR WHILE HE TEACHES YOU SOME OTHER STUFF.  It’s fascinating to watch, he is a little walking history book.  He is analytical by nature, and wants to understand how things work.  He also has a softer side, and can be very thoughtful and loving.  He is working very hard right now to remember to use his knife and fork in the right hands, and to remember his pleases and may-I’s, and if he puts his mind to it, he will argue with you that day is night AND HE WILL WIN. 


Jude will be 3 in July this year, so it is really only in the last month or so that we’ve started to notice the true shape of his character emerging – he and Ben are like chalk and cheese.  Jude is affectionate and gentle and declares ten times a day that “Mammy is my berry best friend.”  He loves kisses, loves being read stories, and will act out imaginative scenarios with his toys in a quiet corner.  He loves singing, and will sit in his carseat squeaking out renditions of all his favourite nursery rhymes – sometimes making hybrid tunes and joined-together verses; don’t be surprised if you learn from Jude “how he wondered what Old MacDonald are”, and that “four and twenty Mary’s little lamb was in the parlour eating bread and honey.”  With his continuing journey through the Terrible Two’s, he is keenly developing his selective hearing skills – as I type this he has taken all the cushions off the sofa for the 32983423239th time today, but I am utterly defenceless against those blonde curls and blue eyes as big as saucers, especially this close to bedtime.  One of the best things about Jude is that he will eat just about anything you put in front of him.  And then some.  Whenever anyone is eating anything in this house, his little baby sonar will detect, say, the opening of a bag of chips, and he comes zooming into the room just as Jason and I say, “Oh, here comes ‘Want-A-Bite Proctor’...” 

Separately, my children are wonderful.  At the moment, when they are together, they are like rabid escaped mental patients from a Victorian insane asylum.  I can say that, because I’m their mother, see.  Their father and I are hoping that is a phase and that the wrestling matches, sitting on each other’s heads, blowing fart noises in each other’s faces and destroying each other’s LEGO creations will be over before the year is out.  


2. What is your super power? (You know you have one.) For example, I can solve most of Alyce and Shira's problems by dancing.


Oh, that’s easy:  baking.  Shouting up the stairs, “WHO WANTS TO MAKE CAKES?” will bring down those two little dudes at the speed of light.  They each have their own aprons, and they will stand at the island in our kitchen and want to weigh and measure and mix and roll and sneak tastes and crack eggs and sneak more tastes.  I let them do it all themselves; it fills a rainy afternoon (and trust me, where I live we have more than our fair share of those) and has the most magical, calming effect on them both.  When we are in the kitchen baking, all is sweetness and light, all is chocolate sprinkles and harmony.


3. What's the hardest part of your parenting day, and do what do you do to work around it, or help make it hurt your head less?


 Getting ready for school is traditionally the time where, if someone’s head is going to explode, that’s the time it’s gonna pop.  Trying to organise Jason into his work clothes, Ben into his uniform, me into my pantyhose and heels, changing nappies and wrestling while cleaning teeth all in a 60-minute window before we leave the house is forehead-vein-pop-inducing, to say the least.  If you were a fly on the wall in my house between 7am and 8am, this is what you would hear:

40 x: “JUDE, I’m not going to ask you again:  come here so I can clean your teeth, please.”
21 x: “Mammy, can you tuck in my shirt?”
11 x: “Yes, you DO need a clean nappy on, that one has wee-wees in it!”
12 x: “Where are your shoes?  Time to go.”
32 x: “No, I don’t want to hear about which Howitzer has a 35 millimetre armour-piercing shell.”


4. Who do you look to for support as a parent?

 
My husband, Jason.  We’ve got the Good Cop/Bad Cop routine down to a T.  Mostly I’m the latter because Jason, as they say here in England, is as “soft as pudding.”  Would you like some chocolate before breakfast?  Jason’s your man.  Had your friends over and your bedroom looks like it’s been tipped upside down?  Jason will tidy it up.  When we first started going out together, I knew he’d be a good Dad when I saw what he was like with his dogs.  And for all the fussing and organising and meal-balancing chaos that I’m all about, Jason adds just the right dose of devil-may-care-spontaneity and fun that kids need.  I think we’re a pretty good tag team.  I am also not too proud to tap into the font-of-all-parenting knowledge that is my mother.  She has decades of experience under her belt of raising a spirited child (um – that’s me) so when I call her tearing my hair out in moments of frustration, after she’s done laughing and telling me “payback’s a bitch, Nick”, she usually has some great practical suggestions.  She’s a smart lady.  

5. What's been the toughest adjustment since becoming a parent?


Probably the complete surrender of every moment that used to be for me, that now belongs to someone else.  I think fondly back to those halcyon days when I could pick up a novel after breakfast and blast through it over the day without giving it a second thought, still in my pyjamas from the night before when bedtime rolled around again.  But having said that of course, back in those days I did more than my fair share of complaining that I never had a boyfriend and was bored all the time.  I have a happy medium now:  while it’s true that those “me” times are fewer and further between these days, Jason makes sure that he drags the kids down to the beach or over to his mother’s every once in a while to let me have some quiet time.  He leaves me a frazzled screeching harpy, and comes back to a balanced, recharged, serene and accommodating loving spouse.  And all it usually takes is a good book and some chocolate.


6. If you could only teach Ben and Jude one thing about the world, what would it be?

That while it is important to be proud of where you come from, it is only a tiny, tiny, tiny part of the planet, and that the world is filled with all different kinds of people, all shapes and sizes, who believe different things and feel different things and even though you might recognise those differences, you should also honour and celebrate them with kindness, understanding, tolerance and a friendly hand.  Get out and meet those people, explore where they live, feel the cultures and never stop learning from it. 


7. What ridiculously overpriced splurge do you wish you could spend on your kids? (For me, I would love to get one of those massive wooden doll houses.)


Oooh... it’d be a lifetime supply of airline tickets.  I want my kids to be able to identify with their Canadian-ness, and regrettably we can’t visit Canada nearly as often as I’d like at the moment for them to be able to find it.  So in a perfect world, I’d splurge on packing us all up every summer and Christmas to spend it on the other side of The Pond.  Wouldn’t that just be delicious?  Now I’m daydreaming!

Thanks, dear Nicola!

An interview with Dani

 I am starting a series of interviews with the mamas I know in my life. I am endlessly inspired and encouraged by these women, some of whom I've known since childhood, others I've only met recently. I wanted to share some of their thoughts with you in hopes of making our community even just a little bit bigger.


For our first interview, I bring you Dani. I met Dani in Delaware and I would not be exaggerating if I told you that she made my Delaware life infinitely better. She is kind, silly, and eager to make everyone's day a little easier. I am grateful to know her. She has a little boy named Finley.  I'll let her to tell you the rest.

1. Tell us a little about yourself and introduce that glorious little boy of yours.

I'm 36. I have 2 bachelor's degrees, one in film, one in nursing. I live in Wilmington, DE, USA, which is your average suburb with Paneras and Starbucks, gigantic grocery stores, Target, Wal-mart, the YMCA and lots of parents and kids. I will be taking the exam to become a certified lactation consultant this year.  My little boy Finley is almost 22 months old. He enjoys watching "wideos" on youtube of animals, trains and trucks. This is his current fave http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2btR9rAcdzo.  He does not enjoy regular cats. When he sees them he screams like he was just clawed by Freddy Krueger.

2. What is your super power? (You know you have one.) For example, I can solve most of Alyce and Shira's problems by dancing.

My super power is getting Finley to eat by watching said "wideos." Ok, well actually his dad discovered that.  I guess I'd have to say it's probably what every mama has, that crazy thing where you're so connected to your kid that you hear everything they say even when you're in a room full of people.  It helps him understand he's not being ignored even though it can look that way and helps me get his needs met before he has to cry for someone's attention.

3. What's the hardest part of your parenting day, and do what do you do to work around it, or help make it hurt your head less?

Something about 5:00pm doesn't seem to agree with us. Finley starts to spin out of control. When the weather isn't freezing or pitch black because of dang daylight savings, the best thing to do is go for a walk.  When that's not available, guess what? More videos.

4. Who do you look to for support as a parent?

Twitter mostly. Mama blogs. Very few people in real life.

5. What's been the toughest adjustment since becoming a parent?

Having very few people in real life to look to for support and parenting relief.

6. If you could only teach Finley one thing about the world, what would it be?

Everybody wants the same thing, don't they?
Everybody wants a happy end
They wanna see the game on Saturday
They wanna be somebody's friend

Everybody wanna work for a living
Everybody wants their children warm
Everybody wants to be forgiven
They want a shelter from the storm

Look at me, I ain't your enemy
We walk on common ground
We don't need to fight each other

This is from a song called Solidarity by Black Uhuru. I feel that it really expresses what I was looking for as a child. Children seem like they're naturally connected to each other. Their boundaries are few. If my son can remember when he's older that we're all basically the same, that will be amazing.

7. What ridiculously overpriced splurge do you wish you could spend on Finley? (For me, I would love to get one of those massive wooden doll houses.)

An Ivy League education and a 2 bedroom apartment in Manhattan.

Thanks, Dani! 

The cure for most everything

Some days you just really need your best friend. Enough said.

Food on Thursdays: Cookbook club

Photos or not, I need to tell you about our cookbook club. Update: I now have photos for you, thanks to the very talented Amanda Schnarr. Thank you for sharing, Amanda!

I've never been part of a book club, but when I read over at Tea and Cookies last year about starting a cookbook club, I was instantly hooked on the idea. I needed to make it happen. And since I had just returned full-time to Canada, I figured that I could at the very least guilt some of my friends (though when you mentioned food and eating, you really don't need guilt) into making room in their chaotic schedules to come hang out with me.

My scheming worked.

The first meeting took place in November, but since getting a group of people together is notoriously difficult, especially when some of them live out of town and most of them have young children, only three of us made it for the inaugural meeting. No matter the numbers, it was an excellent beginning. We chose The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook and made an incredible dinner. There was champagne, crab cakes, roasted brussel sprouts and chicken, and brownies made with an impressive amount of butter.

With the momentum of our first meal, we got to business arranging the second meeting. We skipped December in honour of the bizillion commitments people have over the holidays, and chose to meet instead at the beginning of February. I hosted this time around because our house was empty while my mum and stepfather are off gallivanting on some Mexican beach (not that I'm jealous). After choosing a date we needed a book. I headed to the library and brought home an solid collection of cookbooks and began browsing (I was considering Miss Dahl's Voluptuous Delights and Tender), but felt stuck on not wanting everyone to feel like they needed to buy a new book just for this one meal. Not everyone had the time to search out libraries for a copy and I didn't want to discourage anyone from joining us. And since we're not really working (for actual money) in this house, it wasn't in the budget to buy a new book. So what to do?

The internet, my friends.

I realized one day that some of my favourite cookbooks aren't actually cookbooks--they're food blogs. Since the internet is nothing if not accessible, I thought it was the perfect way to easily include everyone. We could choose a blog, browse the archives, and in no time we'd be eating (and this is all about eating, obviously). For those of you who've visited this blog, you'll be familiar with my stalking of Smitten Kitchen, so it was an easy first choice. I chose a few recipes just to get things going, sent them out to the group to consider, and invited them to search Deb's blog to come up with their own ideas.

Our meal was a huge success, if you don't mind me bragging a bit. I can't think of too many other ways I'd want to spend an afternoon: great friends, too much food, and the chance to celebrate the beauty of a shared meal. There was a little chaos, a lot of laughing, and our party wasn't even crashed until the very end, upon the arrival of The Children. I hope that everyone else enjoyed themselves as much as I did. Thank you so much for indulging my obsessions.

For those of you who want to try this out for yourselves, head over to Tea and Cookies, my original source of inspiration. But for what it's worth, here are a few suggestions:

• Once the cookbook/blog is chosen, decide on the structure of the meal. I figured that we'd need an appetizer or two, a few side dishes, an entree (we chose a meat dish), and, of course, at least two desserts. This way everyone could see what others had chosen and make their own choice according to what had already been scratched off the list.
• At both meetings the person hosting the dinner made the main dish because the meat had more demanding cooking schedules (it just seemed easier to cook the meat in the kitchen where dinner would be served). Of course this isn't necessary, and neither is having a meat dish at all. But it worked for us. 
• As host of Sunday's dinner, I was in charge of putting things together. I'm not sure if we'll take turns organizing (maybe the person hosting will take on this role each time), but I was happy to do it. In order to keep things in order, I created a spreadsheet to keep everything straight: food restrictions, who was in charge of making what. I am a proud cookbook club nerd. 
• I wish that I had taken some time to write down the names of all the dishes so that everything could have been labeled on the counter. I think that it would have shown off the food better, prevented me from mixing up the details, and it just would have looked nice.
• On a practical level, I think next time I'll use paper plates and cutlery. I just didn't have enough in my kitchen to cover all of our needs, and I found myself washing forks halfway through the meal. I don't like using paper, but I think it would be worth it. 

Here is what we made:

Artichoke-olive crositini
Pesto potato salad with green beans
Mixed citrus salad with feta and mint
Warm mushroom salad with hazelnuts
The best baked spinach
Buttermilk roast chicken
Roast chicken with dijon sauce
Whole lemon tart
Pear cranberry and gingersnap crumble
Crisp salted oatmeal white chocolate chip cookies

Are you drooling yet?

P.S. Sorry for not having any photos of the food, or of my gorgeous friends eating that food, but I was too busy having fun to take any photos. Update: Thanks again for the beautiful photos, Amanda!
P.P.S. The baker of the incredible lemon tart wasn't able to stay for dinner, but she drove an hour to deliver the tart. An hour. I have good friends.

Just a little bit more summer

Fall is happening, and I am over the moon about it. So many of my favourites happen in the fall (Rosh Hashanah, Thanksgiving, Halloween, my birthday (!), wool, cool air, pumpkins, back-to-school) that this time of year makes my heart burst. The official start of the season is this week, and I thought I would offer just one more shout out to summer. The end of our summer found us heading north to the camp of some very good friend. They offered us a trailer to rest in (since camping in tents isn't quite Matt's thing, or in his words, the next time I'll sleep in the great outdoors is when I'm buried in the ground. Charming, isn't he?) and were the loveliest of hosts.

I met my friend Liz at a mom and baby yoga class when Alyce was six weeks old. We were living in the west end of Toronto, and I was feeling a bit isolated after having a new baby in the deep of winter. I remember stuffing Alyce into the biggest snowsuit I could find and heading to a class where I hoped to reacquaint myself with my body, and just maybe meet some new friends. It was one of my better decisions. A whole group of us ended up getting along and meeting once a week to walk around the park, but even better than that was my getting to know one woman in particular, Liz and her baby Simon. Simon had me at hello, and Liz and I immediately hit it off. We were both in some relationship with academia, we both enjoyed good food and good coffee, and as it turns out now, we both want to be midwives. Liz is currently breaking ground as a midwifery student in Toronto, and she's keeping a place warm for me.

Like I said, Liz was a good decision. Have I ever mentioned that she flew to Delaware with a four-month-old baby to be there with me when Shira was born? Yeah, she's that kind of person. It turns out that she's also the camping kind of person, and I'm so glad we took her up on the offer to join them for a night at camp. Liz, along with her husband Chris, introduced the girls to their first lake, their first campfire, and most importantly, to their first roasted marshmallows. It was lovely.

This has been a strange summer. I thought I'd be working, getting used to a new job, but instead I found myself looking for work all summer long, without any success. But with this unexpected time has come extra visits with good friends, and I'm always grateful for that.

P.S. If anyone is interested, Alyce's ruby red sparkling camping shoes are available at Target. Oh, Target, I miss you so.

Photos by Chris.

Head in the sand

I'm having a tough few weeks on the job hunt. It's been three months of searching and so far nothing. I'll be complaining more about that later, but for now I wanted to show off how I distracted myself yesterday. Alyce and I escaped to Centre Island in Toronto with our friend Heather and baby P, and it was glorious. Heather and I were both very happy to spend a day walking, swimming, and eating ice cream (ahem, husbands). Originally I had planned to bring Shira, too, but in the end it seemed like a great opportunity to have an Alyce date. We need those a lot more than we get them. Plus, it was Alyce's first time 1) on a ferry, 2) swimming in a lake, and 3) having an enormous brownie and an chocolate ice cream cone in the same afternoon, and I wanted to enjoy that all to myself (except for maybe that last one).

Do you know what's magical? Watching a little one discover waves for the first time, standing next to her as her feet disappear in the wet sand, and giggling alongside her as she stands astounded by her own bravery in standing armpit-deep in the lake. Do you know what else is magical? Her falling asleep on the ferry back to the city, stealing one of her first naps in OVER A YEAR.

It was strangely quiet.

 

P.S. I had to sneak in one photo of Heather and baby P, mostly just to offer evidence of the world's squishiest baby legs.

We got older

I came across this photo today, of one of my dearest friends who was visiting from Seattle. Barbara and I were roommates at university (along with Kaylie, another incredible friend), and like me, she now has two kids. Fifteen years ago we were doing all the things that you are do university: laughing, stressing, procrastinating (that was just me), eating, drinking, planning, smoking (again, just me). Today we are reading to each other's children. Can someone explain to me how that happened?

I was, and still am, amazed at my good fortune in meeting these friends. It must be said: I have excellent taste in women.

An afternoon party

 

Alyce settled right into the party. At this exact moment she is telling Declan that he is her best friend. 

Then he just needs a moment to take it all in. Evidently, me and Alyce are just all friends, all the time.

She ate about 156 boxes of popcorn.

 And was decorated in rainbows.

What a party. Nice wok, Angie.

Is it me?

Alyce and I were fortunate enough to attend the birthday party of our friend Declan, who is now four.  I love celebrating the birthdays of my friends' kids (and birthdays in general), and there is something so lovely about helping your friends mark another year for their children. Somewhere between the shock that we actually had these children in the first place and the excitement of watching these wee people grow up before our eyes, you'll find me, both beaming and sobbing, at the centre of the party. Declan was an excellent host and didn't even flinch when all the other kids tried to open his presents. Alyce and I hope he enjoys his new books (especially this one, because it cracks me up). I would like to post some photos, of course, but I am experiencing some technical difficulty. Later, then.

(Update: photos here)

Besides sharing the details of how much I adored watching Alyce have rainbows painted on her cheeks, I haven't been able to stop thinking about something since I left the party. Declan's mama is a very good friend of mine, someone I was lucky enough to meet in high school, someone I'm so proud to have on my side. We used to spend all of our money following Sloan, and now we spend all of our money on food and beds for our growing families. It's been years (and I mean years, like fifteen of them), since we lived in the same city, but that hasn't mattered. But when you and your friends no longer occupy the same space, you both make new friends in the new places you find yourself in, and maybe you see where I'm actually going with this: you have this great friend who now has other great friends, and sometimes old friends meeting new friends can be awkward. And by awkward I mean that I found myself trying to break into this new world of hers, but her new world didn't want to let me in.

Maybe I scared the poor, unsuspecting New Friend? Did I come on too strong? Was I creepy when I walked up and introduced myself to New Friend and told her that I felt like I knew her already? Was it shyness that kept her from answering my questions, or engaging me in conversation? All I wanted was to get to know this person a little better, with hopes that my friend and I could expand our shared world again. Maybe we could all get together sometimes, instead of the fragmented visits we have when we're trying to keep in touch with so many different people in our very busy lives.

New Friend didn't seem to like me. She seemed to retreat to that strange phenomenon of moms-in-the-park. Do you know about this? If you put ten different mothers in a park with their children, they will very often never say a word to each other. Instead they'll talk to their children, or maybe, just maybe, about their children, but only for the briefest moments. All of these perfectly fine mothers sitting around a playground, with all of this great conversation to be had, and instead we sit there in silence, as though taking our eyes of our children for one second in order to look a new person in the eye is just too much. Why don't we talk to each other? What is stopping us? Isn't there enough crap out there that new parents have to face? Seriously, I'm going to start singing soon, something about 'shouldn't we all just get along.' You don't want it to get to that.

Like I said, maybe she was just shy. But I'm not that scary. And I bake.

Our Ladies of Pain

I always knew I had a thing for roller derby, but I always thought it was just because of my crush on Drew Barrymore. As wonderful as Drew Barrymore is, it turns out that I love roller derby for other reasons. One reason is my friend, Angie, otherwise known as Blister Sister, who completely rocked my world last night. The last time I had roller skates on I was going at a snail's pace to a Tiffany song, probably with a banana clip in my hair. The image I have of myself at age ten is decidedly different from the  image I saw last night as I watched Angie (in a killer pair of fishnets) skate with the Royal City Roller Girls. I am completely hooked.

Blister Sister

Our Ladies of Pain

Violet Uprising

My future Royal City Roller Girl