And, we're off

On our way to Alyce's last day at school.

Today just felt different. Alyce seems to have loved Junior Kindergarten, and watching her develop friendships with the other kids has been my favourite part of this entire school process. But as much as she loves her friends, and most of the other kindergarten world of circle time, painting, and learning how to insert potty language at every turn, Alyce has almost every day of this school year asked to stay home with me and Shira. I think she feels left out of the party a bit, perhaps deducing from our body language and our secret handshakes that the two of us stay home all day playing princess and eating chocolate ice cream. (We'll never tell.)

Last day of school watermelon sundress courtesy of grandparents!

That is to say that Alyce is Excited for summer vacation. She's thrilled to have the entire summer ahead of all three of us, ready to dive into princesses and ice cream. I think Shira is completely game for Alyce's full time return. While I thought briefly that Shira might miss our time together, just the two of us, I'm fairly certain she's more interested in tagging along after Alyce. I have mixed feelings about the summer, I'll be honest. There's the question of how we'll fill our time for two months. But that's not quite it. I think one of the reasons this end of school year feels so momentous is that we've been waiting months to get back on our feet, out in the world, and that's happening in four days. Our move signals so many things: new jobs, new surroundings, new goals, new fears. After spending more than a year trying to get started fresh in Canada, it's finally happening. I want to jump head first into the awesomeness of all these new opportunities, but at the same time I don't want to scare it away. Some days I'm afraid that if I breathe too easily it might all disappear.

Pigtails courtesy of the softest blonde hair on the planet.

You see we're not crossing over into some fantasy land of high-paying jobs and job security. We are getting ready for a new start, but that doesn't mean it's easy. It feels so exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. What if our plans aren't enough? What if things fall out underneath of us again? What if we're unemployed in a year? Please just give me a moment to collect myself.

This summer. This summer contains the first steps of many our adventures. It marks my first real commitment to staying home with girls while I work part-time, a path I'm choosing because I want to, not because I need to (and I'm grateful to begin this new phase in the busy centre of Toronto). It marks my husband's return to academic life, and I'm fairly certain he's there to stay. It will mark the beginning of my new doula business, something I've been very quiet about while so many details are in the works (but I can't wait to share!). But when I put all of that aside for a moment, more than anything else the coming of another summer, another year, means that our little family has done it again. We're seen one member of our crazy household complete her first year at school. We've seen another one learn to talk. We've celebrated seven years together and five years married. Graduation certificates for everyone!

Bring it on, summer. Let's do this.

P.S. In honour of her last day of school, I packed jelly beans in her lunch. 

P.P.S. My mum and I are also taking her out for a celebratory pancake breakfast tomorrow.

P.P.P.S. And we're moving to Toronto in four days!

Have the greatest of weekends, everyone!