Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Even on bad days, I'll still be happy with you

Even on bad days, I'll still be happy with you.

This is a reminder to myself. I've been struggling with some low moods lately, trying to make some overwhelming (to me) changes, wanting so desperately to feel as though I'm doing the right thing.When I make decisions that don't fall in line with the life I want, I get down on myself. It's part of my DNA, being hard of myself, something I've had to maneuver around my whole life. It can be debilitating and confusing, because that kind of negative self-talk in no way helps my cause. My rational brain knows that. The rest of me doesn't. So as a shout-out to this year being about doing things differently, I'm going to work on being happy with myself even on days when my instinct is to dwell on all the things I wished I'd done differently. Positivity is a powerful currency.

Discipline is remembering what you want.

I didn't write that. I can't for the life of me remember which book I read that in (I'm pretty sure it was a cookbook of all things), but I love it. Some days I get all whiny and complainy about not being disciplined enough to accomplish my goals. I mope around longing for the secret the right amount of discipline I need to make the kind of decisions I want to make. Not to smoke. To eat nourishing food. To move my body. To get enough sleep. To do the kinds of things that might help me feel like such a slug (a well-meaning slug with fibromyalgia). But I'm starting to believe that discipline isn't magic but might be all about how we make decisions, and the only way I can make a decision is by understanding what I really want. I want to feel good. Vibrant, even! 

I have a lot of feelings. But I also have goals.

And clearly I am feeling all of these feelings right now. I'm in this in between space, putting some goals on hold in order to pursue other ones. Having goals is vital to this process of change for me (go read this on goal setting if you love to set goals almost as much as you love a good list) and I think I want to use this space to connect with my own goals more often. This blog used to be so much about my life at home with the girlies, and while I still expect to share about my family, I wonder if that's where it is going. I keep reading again and again that change is about the process, not the result, and I need the help to remember that. I remember by writing and sharing and feeling vulnerable. So my vulnerable self will enter this space more often. 

What are your goals? I'll be sharing mine tomorrow. 

Be well.

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