Monday, March 5, 2012

Looking up

Alyce looks up to everyone in her kindergarten class. As in, actually has to look up at them. She's always been such a tiny thing and I'm reminded each school day just how wee she actually is. She might actually be in a car seat until she is twelve. She seemed even smaller this morning as I watched her trying very hard to be brave, waiting to enter her classroom. It's been months since the first day of school, but she still often cries when it's time for kisses and hugs good-bye. Her teacher assures me that she perks right up once the routine of the morning begins, but it doesn't make it any easier on either of us. When Alyce's eyes well up with tears as she pleads to stay home with me and Shira, all I want to do is scoop her up and take her back home. Of course I don't, but I most days I'd like to.

Today she was brave. I could see that she was concentrating hard not to get upset. She had expressed her usual reservations about not wanting to go to school earlier in the morning and then had held my hand the entire walk to school, so I was expecting her usual big tears. But I could see something inside her, she was fighting the urge. When the bell rang I knelt down next to her.

 Alyce, look at me. I love you so much and I can't wait to see you at the end of the day!

She nodded, gave me a little smile, and walked into class. She didn't even look back. So you'd think she'd look bigger to me today, perhaps a little older than the day before. But what I saw clearly this morning, what I felt deep in my insides, was a little girl who was learning that she had to stand out in the world on her own two feet. At home she seems big and tall, bouncing a little higher everyday. In the comfort of our family, between all the people who would do anything in their power to keep her safe, she knows no bounds. But now that she is old to enough to step out into the world on her own, she is tiny again. She is my wee Alyce, looking up at the world with eyes big enough to swallow it whole.


P.S. No matter where I turn, there are princesses.


  1. Oh wow.
    What a gift this post is.
    Have a great end of this day!

  2. Beautiful, beautiful post. I have a little one in my class just like Alyce...cries almost every morning. I give her a hug and reassure her that I'll take good care of her till she sees her mommy again. Kindergarten is a HUGE experience in so many ways! This post made me smile and cry a bit, too!
    PS Barbie has taken over my house. We only have two actual dolls. But the movies! God help me.

  3. Thank you, sheepish! What a lovely thing to hear!

    KGH, the little ones in your class are lucky to have you. It is HUGE. These little ones are so brave and excited and silly, and it's a lot going on.

    And Barbie. I think I she might be the worst. And her boobs are always falling out of her clothes.