Thursday, July 30, 2015

The question I will ask myself every morning

Hello, friends! It's stinking hot in Toronto and me and the girls are protesting. We are taking a stand against the heat the only way we know how: splash pads and air conditioned museums. Some of you may be delighting in these hot days but we suffer, and we don't suffer quietly. 

Despite the soaring temperatures and constant sweaty heads, I am feeling a burst of energy! (So much energy that this morning I have vacuumed the house, washed the kitchen floors by hand, and baked cookies. Someone stop me.) I've been feeling unsettled lately, but today things feel different. Another Day One, of sorts. I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few days, the good kind, even though I didn't always realize it at the time. My thoughts have been preoccupied with change, or more to the point, why it has been so difficult to make changes in my own life. There comes a point when you can only consider change so much and then you actually just need to do it. 

I struggle with the doing it part.

I want to be honest here, because this is why I'm here, and I hope that's why you're here, too. While so many very good things are happening in my life, I'm struggling. I feel like I'm sitting in the middle of this gift that is my life but I just can't seem to grab a hold of it with both hands. At the same time I'm feeling really self-involved (or one could call it self-obsessed) and it is beginning to irritate me. I'm irritating me. I'm all self-talk and no action. 

Have you ever been in this space? How have you pushed through to act on your goals?

So far I've just given in, crumbled under the permission I give myself to stay the same. I have told myself that this is hard and I just can't do it. But I can do it. I can do hard things

I'm embarrassed at how difficult it has been to make changes I want so very much. But no more. Change is hard. Doing hard things is hard. I'm coming to realize that I need to change my perspective, shake things up a bit, in order to make these first steps that I so desperately need. Today this means that I will use my new found energy to say yes to things that are good for me. Yes to being a nonsmoker. Yes to moving my body. Yes to forgiving myself for past decisions. Because if I can only say no to things, if all I can think is about the negative, things aren't going to go anywhere. Who wants to say no when saying yes is so much more fun?

If I am going to change, I have to just start moving forward. One foot in front of the other. Every day I am going to wake up and ask myself what I am going to do that day to make a positive change. Will I take a yoga class? Prepare some delicious food? Go to bed extra early that night? Just breathe? Maybe just one, maybe all of the above. I'll report back tomorrow.

If you woke up tomorrow and asked yourself what you were going to do that day to make a positive change, what would it be?

With love and encouragement.
Be well!

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