My go-to list

You guys! Fall is here! It's really, really here!

I was thinking today about my go-to list, the things in my life where I don't have to make decisions, I just know what it is that I'll choose. Some people might call me predictable, but I'd rather call myself saved from decision exhaustion (when we waste a bunch of time trying to decide between too many options). There is a time and a place to try new things, but there are also those times when you need an easy answer.  I have no time for waffling in front of a barista, I just want my double americano. Do you have a list like this? No? Then you need one.

I thought I'd share a few things from my go-to list:

Coffee: The darkest roast available, preferably in the form of an americano
Tea: Earl Grey with milk
Wine: Chianti
Citrus fruit: Pink grapefruit
Vegetable: Brussel sprouts
Chocolate chip cookie recipe: Smitten Kitchen's Favourite Chococolate Chip Cookie
Comfort food: Macaroni and Cheese 
Easy dinner: Roast chicken



Happy place book I read again and again: The Mists of Avalon
Magazine: Bon Appetit 
Cookbook: Barefoot Contessa Back to Basics
Food blog for baking: Joy the Baker
Food blog for whole foods cooking: My New Roots
Blog that inspires my writing: Sweet Amandine
Blog for inspiration: Rachel W. Cole


Moisturizer: Coconut oil
Self-care: 90 minute massage
Journal: Moleskin (I currently have this colour)
Netflix obsession: Re-watching Grey's Anatomy
Way to spend a free Sunday: Farmer's market, brunch, park, nap, dinner at home.
Flowers: Daisies


Care to share your own list? What things do you instinctively reach for when it comes to making a decision?

Be well!
xo

P. S. Do you follow me on Instagram? Come say hello!

It's Tuesday!

Hello lovelies! I was so busy writing about procrastination yesterday that I forgot to write up my Monday list. How was your weekend? We had a busy one, including me spending all day Saturday at a postpartum doula training (because there is always more to learn). On Sunday I took the girls on a movie date, during which I realized that we pretty much just go to the movies for the candy and popcorn.

Fall is officially here (high fives all around) and I'm already dreaming of all the fall-y things I can do this week. I might break the girlies out of school one day to go apple picking because our weekends are booked solid for the next few weeks, and it would be heartbreaking to miss out on all those apples, wouldn't it? And while I can't stand pumpkin spice lattes, I did pick up some pumpkin for baking something delicious (like this or these).

Here's my list for this week:

• I'm making this for dinner tonight even though I'll be the only one in the house who will eat it.

• I'm still sitting in front of a pile of gluten-free cookbooks, looking for inspiration.

• My days are free this week and I'm enjoying some quiet time at home. I took a very long nap today (hooray for self-care) and I'm hoping to get a lot of writing done. I may or may not also wash the floors. 

• I'm attending a midwifery student conference this weekend and I'm over the moon about it. I've felt so out of touch from school since taking the year off and I'm looking forward to taking part in some conversations about birthy things. I'm also participating on a panel about life as a student with mental health issues, which I think is a great opportunity for all of us to think about how to take care of ourselves as students and as future midwives. Plus I get to see some familiar faces I've missed!

So what about you? What's on your plate this week? Starting any new projects? Let us know in the comments! 

Be well.

xo

Is fear holding you back? How to move foward anyway.

Have you heard Elizabeth Gilbert's podcast, Magic Lessons? In one episode she talks about procrastination being born out of fear.

What am I afraid of then? Because I am an extraordinary procrastinator.

I am also a very hard worker who has completed two degrees, a master's thesis, a good part of  a doctoral degree, and two years (and counting) of midwifery school. I also have clean laundry and food in my fridge (most of the time), so I pull through in spite of my tendency to put absolutely everything off until the last minute.

And I think this is part of the trouble with being a relatively high-functioning procrastinator: I almost always get everything done so everything seems fine. But the stress and guilt and anxiety it produces? Those are not fine. Ask Matty (no, wait, maybe don't) about how much trouble my procrastination causes. I'm legendary, really.

Something that has always bothered me about my own procrastination is that it happens even when I'm doing something I love. For example, I love midwifery school pretty bad. While the program certainly has its ups and downs, it is giving me the knowledge and skills to become a midwife one day, a pretty kick ass one if you don't mind me saying. So why oh why do I still procrastinate when I'm doing something I love? Anyone?

I'm afraid of a lot of things. I'm afraid that the work will be hard and I won't be able to do it well. I'm afraid I won't be perfect. I'm afraid that I'll be judged. Or worse: that I'll fail completely. I'm afraid that I've given up so much to change careers and return to school and that it will all be for nothing. Deep, deep down I'm afraid I won't finish, just like I didn't finish my PhD (a fear that lingers even though the context is so very different). I'm afraid that I'm just faking at all this adult stuff and that I'll soon be found out by the whole wide world. 

Tim Urban writes that a procrastinator acts this way because "he has incredibly low confidence when it comes to this part of his life, allowing himself to become enslaved by a self-defeating, self-fulfilling prophecy." (And if you haven't read his post on why procrastinators procrastinators, you really should. It is insightful and hilarious.) I think we develop this low self-confidence because we're afraid. When we don't move forward on account of this fear, when we don't get started on necessary work or make the important first steps on something that is important to us, we end up confirming these fears--that we are going to fail all over again. 

Procrastination might be the best tool we have for looking after of ourselves. If we're afraid of something we need protection. If I don't start studying for that exam I won't have to realize that I'm not smart enough to learn the material. Or, and this is what's been on my mind lately, if I put off the hard work of pursuing my goals this year, I won't discover that I'm not strong enough to do it. My goals feel big and scary some days and putting them off protects me from not accomplishing them.

So how do we move forward when we're afraid?

We plan. We take small steps. We make choices that reflect what's really important to us. Every single day we decide to move forward, to change the story we have written for ourselves. 

When it comes to goals, we dream big and plan small, breaking down each step as clearly as possible. I am committed to finding a way to plan out the hard work that needs to be done to accomplish my goals, not just the big picture, day-dreamy blog posts I write, but actual step by step plans, filled with steps and deadlines and actions. I want to share these plans with you. 

But most importantly, I will forgive myself. I will give myself permission to fail. We can't move forward if we're so terrified of making mistakes. I hope you will give yourself permission, too. Is there a goal you want to accomplish? Do you have a project that is important to you that you've been too afraid to begin? Perfection is the enemy of the good. Let's all get started.

Be well!

xo

When things aren't hard

How are you lovelies? I realized recently that I almost never write about the girlies anymore and that just doesn't feel right. Do you want to know why? Because they've been a dream lately and we tend to focus so much on the hard stuff that we forget to stop and enjoy the times when things are easier. Smoother. More delightful. 

This summer wasn't easy for me. Maybe you could read between the lines of my scattered blog posts to see that I was often frustrated by my time home with the girlies. I was coming down from a really intense time in school and was feeling physically terrible, and Alyce had just finished a school year filled with challenges. We were all ready for the break of summer vacation and quickly fell into an easy rhythm of lazy days mixed up with adventures out in the city, but before long we were dealing with meltdowns (myself included) and constant fights between the girls. I began to dread my weeks home with them in spite of having missed them so damn much while I was in placement. I complained to Matty. I vented to my friends. It was a long summer.

But you know what? It doesn't feel so hard anymore. Returning to school, giving us all some time on our own each day, has made such a big difference. Alyce loves her new teacher, which is such a relief, and Shira is happy to play with her little kindergarten friends every day. I have enjoyed my quiet days to work and rest. All of a sudden the girlies aren't screaming at each other and meltdowns have been few and far between. Matty and I have found ourselves whispering happily to each other about the changes in our home, but I don't just want to whisper, I want to sing it from the rooftops!

We are often so quick to complain when things are hard, but let's not forget to enjoy when they're not. So I'm here to report that I'm currently enjoying the giggles and the sisterly secrets and the excited walks to school in the morning. And I hope you are, too. 

Be well!

xo

It's Monday!

Hello! It's Monday all over again.  Are you ready for me to start mooning about all this amazing fall weather? Consider yourself warned. 

I've officially taken the day off today, though that hasn't really stopped me from working around the house. But the pace has been just perfect, with a little cleaning and then a little resting. More resting than cleaning.

And then I made chocolate chip cookies. Because (ahem) Alyce really wanted them.

How was your week? Around here we've been busy getting back into the routine of school, a routine that has served this family very well. Morning have been smoother, bedtimes easier, and moods generally relaxed. And I forgot to mention that I cut off all my hair, a move inspired by a mess of long tangles that was trying my patience on a daily basis. I'm happy with the change. It always feels so good to do something different (says the woman who changes her furniture around on a monthly basis).

This week is a bit calmer than last and I'm eager to sit and work on some brainstorming projects. I've been reading a ton about different approaches to goal setting and I'm wanting to spend some actual time making up a plan. The other day I saw that someone described themselves as a "goal-setter" (I can't for the life of me remember where I read this) and I loved that title. If I am anything I am a goal-setter. It's more than just making lists, but about seeing my world as a place in which I can accomplish things that make my life better or bigger or even more delightful. This is what's on my brain this week.

Another week, another list:

• I finally received my copy of Gretchen Rubin's book on habits from the library. I can't wait to finish it. My goals for the year are so intertwined with changing my habits. (But I guess aren't all goals about working alongside habits that work and against ones that don't?)

•  I wrote my manifesto on eating, I've been reading my gluten-free cookbooks, and now it's time to think practically. There are recipes to be scribbled out, grocery lists to make, and defences against the lure of crusty bread to be established. It's a big week. I'm hoping to channel both creativity and stamina.

• Not smoke. It's time to try this again. (And again, until it works.) I've been quiet here about my non-smoking success because frankly I haven't had any. I've tried a dozen times and always started smoking again by the end of the day. Aristotle tells us that "we are what we repeatedly do," so even if I haven't mastered this non-smoking business yet, I keep trying because each time I don't smoke it is a commitment to my goal. (I am clearly very committed.)

That's enough for this week. What about you? What is the most important task on your to-do list this week? What will you do to ensure that you complete it?

Be well!

xo

P.S. I'm officially working as a postpartum doula with Toronto Family Doulas! Here is my introduction over on their blog.

Things that made me happy this week

Via Etsy

This week's things that made me happy list is sponsored by my new motivation to work my fucking ass off. And a few other things.


A guide to following your dreams. I love a good practical list.


This goal-setter is after my own heart. A great list to get you started thinking.


Looking for some new monthly health goals? You'll find 12 doable items right here.


Goals are dreams with deadlines.


And now for food: I would like this cookbook, please.


I'm going to bake these gluten-free muffins this week. I'll report back.


Finally, have you heard of Limetown? It's my newest podcast obsession.


Be well!
xo

Taking Stock: September

Hello again! Are the leaves changing near you? These beautiful creatures have been populated our front walk lately and they're making me giddy with excitement for the fall. While the weather is stupid hot, there's no denying the changing colours and shorter days. I'm over the moon.

How is your week going? Are you crossing things off your list? Are you sneaking some time for yourself? I've been working a ton, packing school lunches, and reading, reading, reading. I've got three books on the go right now and an enormous pile of new books waiting for me. Such is the life of a woman on a break from school.

Here are a few other things I've been up to lately:

Making:  Scarves for the girlies, and yes, I'm still working on my first pair of socks.

Cooking: Gluten-free food.

Drinking: Americano with milk.

Wanting: Some new fabric to get started on my first quilt.

Looking: At the burst of fall colours peeking through the trees.

Wishing: For someone else to cook me dinner.

Enjoying: The quiet of my days again.

Waiting: For cooler days.

Liking: The return of some early fall produce.

Wondering: Who is going to put all this laundry away.

Loving: Watching Alyce ride her first two-wheeler bike.

Pondering: What it means to develop new habits.

Considering: Getting a massage.

Buying: Yarn.

Watching: Baseball with Matty.
Hoping: For the back-to-school season to bring some much needed routine to our house.

Marvelling: At how many hugs and kisses I receive from Shira on an hourly basis.

Cringing: At my sore body.

Needing: Some yoga.

Smelling: Apples and cinnamon.

Wearing: Jeans, for the first time in ages.

Following: My children around.

Noticing: How much Alyce is craving independence.

Knowing: That she's strong and capable.

Thinking: About taking morning walks before Matty leaves for work in the morning.

Admiring: Fall sweaters.

Sorting: Through everything.

Bookmarking: So many things. Finding inspiration all over the place lately.

Coveting: A new fall jacket.

Disliking: The fruit flies that are STILL living in my house.

Giggling: At Shira's tall tales.

Feeling: Motivated.

Snacking: Oranges.

Hearing: The quiet.

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Do you want to take stock? I got the idea from Pip.