Another month, another plan

Hello friends. If you've been following on since the summer, you know that I've been trying to make some really big health changes. The short version of the story is that I have fibromyalgia and depression, and the consequence for me is feeling as though I inhabit the physical body of an unhealthy 98 year old, instead of the healthy and vibrant 38 year old that I so badly want to be. Emotionally, I too often full like a slug.

The good news is that I'm unwilling to continue this way.

I want to live a long, long life. I want to be a great-grandmother one day. I also want to take on a very demanding career as a midwife,  for which I'm training now. I have chosen to believe that I can do all of these things, so here I am, willing to make the necessary changes in my life in order to allow for these dreams to come true. I have the motivation and passion to blow my own mind and succeed.

I spent an hour with my naturopathic doctor last week dreaming up a plan. Having consulted with my family doctor earlier in the week, who kindly informed me that I am currently at an increased risk for cardiovascular disease and could I please start eating better and lose some weight, I was finally ready to accept that I needed a new plan. I explained to my naturopath, who has watched me struggle now for two years, that I was feeling seriously overwhelmed by the enormity of all these changes I wanted to make, and she told me that I can do anything for a month.

Just one month.

And you know? I think she is right. I'm strong and committed and eager to feel good, so I can do this. Healthober didn't work out as planned, and that's okay. I learned a lot about myself that month and it's time to try something else.

I now have a plan. No gluten. No smoking. Exercise four times a week. Eat a ton of greens. Take my supplements (chosen for my fibromyalgia).

This one month is intended to bring about a victory. While we learn so many important things from our failures, we still also need to win sometimes. When we devised this plan we decided upon the things that had a chance to make me feel better in four weeks. This isn't to say that I'll drop my plan upon completion, or that my next steps might not look different, but I wanted my plan to be guided by reasonable, doable changes that will bring about some successes.

This plan for eating and exercise is intended to address both my physical and mental health. Gluten sensitivities have long been linked to mood problems and we all know that exercise makes us feel better. Eating real food, moving my body, and not smoking is going to have a positive impact on my life.

I am driven by a belief that I can feel better and I'll sing it from the rooftops until I do. 

Is there something you want to change, something you can do for one month? We can do this together. Share your goals and let's declare our commitments together!

Be well!

xo

Healthtober! An update

Healthober was my own tiny mission to kickstart myself into action. I'd been stalling and stalling for months with all the health changes I wanted to make. I had chosen to tackle some of my goals on a smaller scale for one month to see how I felt. It's a great idea, isn't it? Because you can do anything for a month. Right? 

Not exactly. But here is what I have learned:

Planning is key

Things didn't work out as planned. Or more to the point, I didn't plan anything at all. I came up with some very doable goals, but I didn't follow on those ideas with actionable steps. (I come across this advice in so many places, but have promptly ignored it every chance I get.) Take my goal to give up gluten, for example. I started the month with a kitchen filled with gluten-filled foods and didn't make any preparations in advance to ensure alternatives. I had assumed that I would "wing it" and, shockingly, this plan didn't work out. 

The first few days were good, with me getting by on what we had, but at the first sign of needing to rush out of the house I reached for the only convenient food on hand: gluten. The lure of convenience got me every time. I realize now that I need to spend time preparing the kitchen for how I want to eat. This means brainstorming ideas for quick gluten-free breakfast, snacks, and lunches (dinner always feels easier to me, since it feels normal for me to cook veggies and meat). I know now that I need plenty of sliced up cheese, nuts, washed fruits and veggies, and granola bars available to me before I begin. I also need to sharpen my gluten-free baking skills so that I can have muffins and breads available when I crave (which I always do because they are so delicious).

Goals need to be specific

If I'm devoted to eating less sugar, then I need to come up with a game plan for what "less sugar" actually means. Does it mean taking two days instead of one to eat a bag of wine gums? Probably not. Does it mean sweetening my oatmeal with a little maple syrup instead of heaps of brown sugar? Probably. For me to decrease my sugar intake I need to think about all the places it sneaks into my diet, some obvious (chocolate covered almonds), some hidden (processed food). I've always been terrible at maintaining boundaries, but if I'm going to successfully reduce my sugar load I need to grow a backbone.

I should probably make a plan for this (see above lesson learned).

Make your goals a priority

One of my goals was to practice being gentle with myself physically. I am happy to report that I made some progress (hooray for progress!) on that front. At the beginning of the month I was confronted with a flare-up of my fibromyalgia that through me for a bit of a loop. But I parked myself on the couch for two days, took some advil, and relaxed--in other words, I did exactly what I needed to do to get through the week and it worked. It wasn't the easiest choice at the time because I had to let go of some commitments those days, but it was important to me that I didn't let one flare-up turn into a month of pain (as I have done many times in the past).

Sometimes I'm all talk when it comes to self-care, but I really tried this month. After months of pushing through the pain and straining my sore body, I decided to make getting better a priority. Let us all try to be so gentle on ourselves.

Healthober, as ridiculous as it sounds, was a big deal for me and I'm a little sad that I didn't follow through with it as I'd imagined. But you know what? I had other successes, like FINALLY getting some much needed exercise. Also: not smoking! I've quit again, and I've decided that this is it. I'm as eager as ever!

My birthday is around the corner, which means: new goals! Coming soon.

What lessons have you learned about making changes? Are you good at planning for your goals? If you have any comments or suggestions, I'd love to see them in the comments. 

Be well.
xo


P.S. You might also be interested in these posts!

Goals in a messy life

On gaining momentum

Start where you are

Start where you are. I love this. As someone who likes to set goals and think about the big picture, I needed this reminder today. It's easy to get lost in all the things we want to be, but the only way to get started is to accept what you are now. Ask yourself what can you do today, just today, to accomplish your goals one step at a time. I am lucky enough to have a fridge filled with vegetables, so today I am going to cook some healthy food that includes heaps of vegetables. I am run down with a cold and need the nourishment. What a great place to start.

What can you do today?

Be well!
xo


Image Via And Then We Saved

Is fear holding you back? How to move foward anyway.

Have you heard Elizabeth Gilbert's podcast, Magic Lessons? In one episode she talks about procrastination being born out of fear.

What am I afraid of then? Because I am an extraordinary procrastinator.

I am also a very hard worker who has completed two degrees, a master's thesis, a good part of  a doctoral degree, and two years (and counting) of midwifery school. I also have clean laundry and food in my fridge (most of the time), so I pull through in spite of my tendency to put absolutely everything off until the last minute.

And I think this is part of the trouble with being a relatively high-functioning procrastinator: I almost always get everything done so everything seems fine. But the stress and guilt and anxiety it produces? Those are not fine. Ask Matty (no, wait, maybe don't) about how much trouble my procrastination causes. I'm legendary, really.

Something that has always bothered me about my own procrastination is that it happens even when I'm doing something I love. For example, I love midwifery school pretty bad. While the program certainly has its ups and downs, it is giving me the knowledge and skills to become a midwife one day, a pretty kick ass one if you don't mind me saying. So why oh why do I still procrastinate when I'm doing something I love? Anyone?

I'm afraid of a lot of things. I'm afraid that the work will be hard and I won't be able to do it well. I'm afraid I won't be perfect. I'm afraid that I'll be judged. Or worse: that I'll fail completely. I'm afraid that I've given up so much to change careers and return to school and that it will all be for nothing. Deep, deep down I'm afraid I won't finish, just like I didn't finish my PhD (a fear that lingers even though the context is so very different). I'm afraid that I'm just faking at all this adult stuff and that I'll soon be found out by the whole wide world. 

Tim Urban writes that a procrastinator acts this way because "he has incredibly low confidence when it comes to this part of his life, allowing himself to become enslaved by a self-defeating, self-fulfilling prophecy." (And if you haven't read his post on why procrastinators procrastinators, you really should. It is insightful and hilarious.) I think we develop this low self-confidence because we're afraid. When we don't move forward on account of this fear, when we don't get started on necessary work or make the important first steps on something that is important to us, we end up confirming these fears--that we are going to fail all over again. 

Procrastination might be the best tool we have for looking after of ourselves. If we're afraid of something we need protection. If I don't start studying for that exam I won't have to realize that I'm not smart enough to learn the material. Or, and this is what's been on my mind lately, if I put off the hard work of pursuing my goals this year, I won't discover that I'm not strong enough to do it. My goals feel big and scary some days and putting them off protects me from not accomplishing them.

So how do we move forward when we're afraid?

We plan. We take small steps. We make choices that reflect what's really important to us. Every single day we decide to move forward, to change the story we have written for ourselves. 

When it comes to goals, we dream big and plan small, breaking down each step as clearly as possible. I am committed to finding a way to plan out the hard work that needs to be done to accomplish my goals, not just the big picture, day-dreamy blog posts I write, but actual step by step plans, filled with steps and deadlines and actions. I want to share these plans with you. 

But most importantly, I will forgive myself. I will give myself permission to fail. We can't move forward if we're so terrified of making mistakes. I hope you will give yourself permission, too. Is there a goal you want to accomplish? Do you have a project that is important to you that you've been too afraid to begin? Perfection is the enemy of the good. Let's all get started.

Be well!

xo

A new year

And we're here. First day of school came and went and was a success on all accounts. Pancakes were eaten, new dresses worn, and the day was enjoyed. Alyce was most excited to find out where she was going to sit in class (she chose the front row, just like her mama) and was more than a little devastated to find out that she wouldn't have any homework tonight (again, just like her mama would be). Shira cruised through the day give high fives to friends and teachers and then promptly suffered a meltdown after school because it is too hot and she was tired. 

I'm not returning to midwifery school this year and it makes my heart a bit sad. It's only a one year break, and the rational side of my brain is busy listing all the good reasons for my year off (namely to look after myself), but the other side of my brain, the side with all of the feelings, is blue. Most of my friends have returned to school this week too and they are busy learning all of the things I want to be learning. Adulting is hard sometimes, isn't it? It means that I just have to accept that my year off is necessary and go about my business of getting healthy. But it's difficult stepping back from something I love so much. 

I've been quiet here this week, in part because I've been spending the days sleeping after working too many overnight shifts, but also because I've been sitting with these feelings of sadness over not returning to school, mixed up with frustration that I haven't yet made any of the changes I've talked about since May. I'm still not feeling well, not getting exercise, not really making the eating changes I so desperately need, and most of all, not taking care of my stress. Not having made progress on all these goals makes missing the work of midwifery school this year even harder to take. I'm feeling all failure-like.

I think it's important not to get to run down by these (as of yet) unmet goals, but at the same time I want to listen and reflect on what it feels like to struggle. I want to learn from this process, to be open to loving myself even when I'm not my ideal self. 

So have I learned anything yet? I hope so. I'm coming to realize that left to my own devices I am pretty lazy about making hard changes. Being home with girlies all summer made me a bit lazy, though looking back it wasn't a great time to try, what with the constant demands of a seven and five year old declaring that they were bored every ten minutes. It was hard to give over the time to myself that I needed to work toward my goals. I'm realizing that I suck at putting my own priorities first (as so many parents do in the face of their childrens' needs and the demands of work) and that I might need to set up a more structured approach to my health-improvement project, to create some new boundaries. (I also suck at boundaries.)

 

Today is the first evening of the Jewish new year, Rosh Hashanah. It seems fitting that I re-commit to my goals tonight, right here. This year, amidst all these practical ideals of mine, I need to give myself permission to be more selfish, carving out enough time to do the work I want to do. I hope that you can do the same for whatever you need from this year. It is my wish that you can find the time and space to give yourself over to whatever is important to you in the coming months.

Let's do this. Shana Tova (Happy New Year) everyone!

Be well.

xo

Goals in a messy life

Since it's Septemeber, let's talk about monthly goals, shall we?

Goals keep me intentional in a time when my life is feeling a bit messy.

I thought I'd try working on some smaller monthly goals because, as you know, September is the ultimate fresh start. I have some pretty enormous goals for the coming year, but I think I could use the help of smaller monthly goals to help me get there. Why do I love working with goals so much? Because developing and reflecting on goals helps me to live intentionally, something that helps me to order the rest of my messy world (both physical and emotional messes). 

But a little bit of mess is okay.

This week Beth at Revolution from Home wrote a really useful post on living a messy life and I've been sitting with her ideas ever since. I think we sometimes feel so overwhelmed by the chaos of life and that trick ourselves into thinking that if we put everything in order, then all our other goals will fall into place. But I'm coming to realize that we need to live with some of the messy instead of trying to banish it away all the time. Beth writes:

Maybe we’ve been misled when it comes to the “messier” aspects of life (and I don’t mean our junk drawers). Maybe messy isn’t a reflection of our shortcomings at all. Maybe the real source of our struggle stems from the belief that life is supposed to be tidy.

So I'm reflecting on my goals this month and deciding to work on them right now, even if not everything feels perfectly ordered.

Since first outlining my goals earlier this summer I've been finding myself thinking that I'll start accomplishing my goals once I've cleaned out all the closets and planned all them meals and crossed everything off the to do lists. No. It's okay that I don't have it all figured out. I can still move forward with one foot in the chaos. So while my goals keep me feeling focused and intentional about my days (a good thing), for me this month is about chasing my goals in spite of imperfection.

Five goals for September

This month I will feed myself good food, move my body in the (hopefully) cooler morning air, and devour as many books as I can get my hands on.

• One month without gluten, to see how it makes me body feel

.

• Morning walks before the girlies wake up, three days a week.

 

• Reflect on what it means to thrive.

• Read as much as I want while the girls are at school.

 

• Get back into a routine of reading to the girls before bed, a habit that was lost earlier this year, and one I think we all dearly miss.

I'm really excited to work on these smaller goals, not to lose sight of my larger project, but to accumulate some smaller victories. Do you have any September goals or resolutions? Let's do this together please!


Be well!
xo 

 P.S. Some posts you might also like:

Day one

How many things have you crossed off your life list?

How to quit smoking in only 753 days*

11 tips for being an ordinary parent

The question I will ask myself every morning

Hello, friends! It's stinking hot in Toronto and me and the girls are protesting. We are taking a stand against the heat the only way we know how: splash pads and air conditioned museums. Some of you may be delighting in these hot days but we suffer, and we don't suffer quietly. 

Despite the soaring temperatures and constant sweaty heads, I am feeling a burst of energy! (So much energy that this morning I have vacuumed the house, washed the kitchen floors by hand, and baked cookies. Someone stop me.) I've been feeling unsettled lately, but today things feel different. Another Day One, of sorts. I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few days, the good kind, even though I didn't always realize it at the time. My thoughts have been preoccupied with change, or more to the point, why it has been so difficult to make changes in my own life. There comes a point when you can only consider change so much and then you actually just need to do it. 

I struggle with the doing it part.

I want to be honest here, because this is why I'm here, and I hope that's why you're here, too. While so many very good things are happening in my life, I'm struggling. I feel like I'm sitting in the middle of this gift that is my life but I just can't seem to grab a hold of it with both hands. At the same time I'm feeling really self-involved (or one could call it self-obsessed) and it is beginning to irritate me. I'm irritating me. I'm all self-talk and no action. 

Have you ever been in this space? How have you pushed through to act on your goals?

So far I've just given in, crumbled under the permission I give myself to stay the same. I have told myself that this is hard and I just can't do it. But I can do it. I can do hard things. 

I'm embarrassed at how difficult it has been to make changes I want so very much. But no more. Change is hard. Doing hard things is hard. I'm coming to realize that I need to change my perspective, shake things up a bit, in order to make these first steps that I so desperately need. Today this means that I will use my new found energy to say yes to things that are good for me. Yes to being a nonsmoker. Yes to moving my body. Yes to forgiving myself for past decisions. Because if I can only say no to things, if all I can think is about the negative, things aren't going to go anywhere. Who wants to say no when saying yes is so much more fun?

If I am going to change, I have to just start moving forward. One foot in front of the other. Every day I am going to wake up and ask myself what I am going to do that day to make a positive change. Will I take a yoga class? Prepare some delicious food? Go to bed extra early that night? Just breathe? Maybe just one, maybe all of the above. I'll report back tomorrow.

If you woke up tomorrow and asked yourself what you were going to do that day to make a positive change, what would it be?

With love and encouragement.
Be well!
xo

Day One

From etsy.

It's Day One of quitting smoking. Again. Again.

I wrote yesterday about feeling pretty fed up with how I'm feeling lately. Fed up isn't quite the right word, it's more some combination of impatient/exasperated/at my wit's end all mixed up with feeling fed up. Is there a word for this? There should be.

What has been troubling me the most for some now is that I probably don't have to feel this way. While there are some things beyond my control at the end of the day, like my genetic predisposition to depression, anxiety, and probably to fibromyalgia, there are so many things I can do to change things. This is why in the midst of all these struggles, I'm also feeling motivated. Powerful, even. Because how lucky am I that I can feel like shit and do something to change it.

I have an appointment with my doctor today so we can talk about my blood work. I'm not a psychic, but I'm pretty sure I can divine what our conversation will look like: Danielle, your health stinks. But rather than fret about the state of my health, I am going to do something to change it. I'm going to return to my goals. The need to return again and again to my goals is the reason I'm writing all this down in the first place. Read, remember, reinvent. So I will get more sleep, eat nourshing food, breathe, and move my body. 

And not smoke. I wrote about my intention not to smoke a few weeks ago and I've started and stopped ten times since then. But today is a new Day One.

If I showed you my journal you would see the words "Day One!" written next to the dates of many, many pages. I have moments when I'm ashamed of how many first attempts I make, pleading with the universe to turn me into one of those people who decides to do something and then just does it. The first time. How I long for that kind discipline. But I am who I am, and that means that I need time to change. I need the motivation and the feelings to be just right for me in that moment. I can't be someone I'm not. And fighting who I am isn't going to help anyone, least of all myself. The difficulty I experience when it comes to making these kinds of change also makes a person who is understanding, compassionate, and loyal. I'll take that.

So maybe I've tried quitting smoking a hundred times since January, but maybe today is the day that it works. 

I believe in as many Day Ones as are necessary to live the life I want (and for this reason I will forever be in love with Mondays). Maybe you need ten first tries while I need seventeen. Let's give each other as many Day Ones as we need, shall we? 

Be well!

xo

I'm going to be selfish

So do I write about the fun parts of the zoo today, that time we watched baboons lounging in the sun like nobody's business, or when the rhinos were playfully running in circles while we sat watching them eating our lunch? I could write about how Shira cautiously dipped her toes in the water at the splash pad while Alyce launched her whole self into a waterfall. I could write about so many things because they are all true.

But what I should write about, in an attempt to be honest with myself, is how all I wanted to do while we were at the zoo was go home. My body ached. I was exhausted. I couldn't enjoy my favourite animals or the cool, shady forests because I was hurting. I cut our trip a little short and headed home for a nap. I turned on a movie for the girlies and went straight to bed. I awoke two hours later to two children happily making me homemade jewelry and the house in a relative state of clean. Sometimes they are just awesome.

I've needed a nap almost every day this summer. My body aches all the time. I'm grumpy. Clearly things aren't going the way I had planned. But am I surprised? No. Change is hard and I'm a reluctant changer. I've been ignoring my goals in favour of doing nothing, because nothing is a lot easier. But these last two weeks have reminded me that I'm here to make a difference in my own health this year. I'm going to be selfish and focused and, hopefully, a woman who needs fewer naps.

I was sad today. My health stood in the way of having a great time with my children, made it hard for me to keep up with their excitement and desire to explore. It sucked. 

So here is me sending out high-fives to anyone else who wants to make changes in their world. We can do this.

Be well!

xo

 

On building the new

Via Shutterbean

Summer is really and truly here. The day's rhythm had come to feel both restful and chaotic. We don't have the same deadlines to meet (wake up, eat something, no really Shira eat something, get dressed, no you can't wear a turtleneck in June, come on we'll be late, no really, come on, oh wait we forgot sunscreen, come on it's almost time for school!!), yet the endless packing up of swimsuits, picnic blankets, and snacks feels like it's taking over our lives. So be it, life, let's go for another picnic. I'll take it over the rush of school any day (well, at least until September).

It's this really strange time for me right now. I'm busy with the girls and teaching, but I also have all this time ahead of me, already earmarked for big personal change. I'm about to embark on this year of doing things differently in hopes of feeling well and happier, and it's hard for me not to feel a bit overwhelmed by all the work to be done.

I get defeated sometimes before I begin, dwelling on the bad habits I've developed over the past seven years, and I wonder if I'm looking at it all wrong. I can't do anything about the not-so-nourishing food I've been eating, or the exercise I haven't done, or all the time spent wandering around wondering why I don't feel well. But I can look ahead to a time when things might be different.

 "The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new." It's exhausting worrying about the past. Doesn't it sound so much more appealing to think instead about all the new choices we can make? A little more manageable? A lot more realistic? I think so.

How do you get started making change? Are you an all-or-nothing, take charge kind of change-maker? Is it easy for you to wipe the slate clean and move ahead with new habits, or do you dwell on the past?

Let's build the new, shall we?

Be well.
xo

How to stop procrastinating and get to sleep already

Do you get to bed at a reasonable (for you) hour? Do you wash your face and floss your teeth before tucking yourself into bed? Do you make your room as dark as possible and hide your phone in another room? Yes? Then you're my sleep hero.

As I mentioned in my last post, one of my goals for the year to get better at sleeping. Feeling dead exhausted all of the days was one of the first signs for me that something was wrong with my body. I would sleep at night and wake up feeling like I'd run a marathon. I would fall asleep sitting up (I still do). And when things are at their most rotten for me physically, it's all I can do to not to nap three times in one day. Part of this comes from my depression, some from fibromyalgia, and some from having two young kids, working part-time, and going to midwifery school. It's not a recipe for feeling rested.

But I'm not asking for miracles here.

In related news: why I've chosen to become a midwife if I'm so interested in feeling rested? Fair enough, it isn't a career path known for its ample opportunities to sleep. As a student midwife I was often up for twenty four hours before signing off to get some rest, but it wasn't so much the all-nighters that were hard, but the more regular schedule of getting only a little rest at a time. Having slept three hours then getting paged to head to a birth, only to head out for a day of client visits afterwards. But the reality is that I'm made to be a midwife and there isn't anything else I'd rather do. As for the years of irregular sleep that I've got coming to me, well, I will just need to adjust. But at least I can do everything I can to take care of my sleep, even if unconventionally.

This year! This year I can sleep however much I need. My goal is to set the stage for myself to get a good's night sleep every night.  Goals need to be specific and realistic, so here it is: I will make getting a good sleep a priority by getting at least eight hours of sleep each night. Nine would be even better. Since Shira often still wakes up around six in the morning, this means getting to bed each night by ten o'clock, and even if she isn't up that early I love, love, love having some time to myself in the morning. So now I have a new bedtime. 

Exceptions include the following: if anyone invites me out dancing.

With my ten o'clock bedtime by my side, here is a breakdown of how I will accomplish my sleep goals:

   

Stop procrastinating and go to bed

Do you do this, or is it just me? I think it all started when I gave birth. The days were filled with the needs of the girls, but the evening? THAT WAS MINE. That's when I could flop down on the couch with Matty and do pretty much anything I wanted that didn't involve illicit drugs (breastfeeding and all). I began to savour each minute of those evening hours and I started staying up long after I was tired so that I could keep enjoying every minute. As hard a crush as I have on a good sleep, squeezing in an extra episode or chapter was so enticing. I actually fall asleep in mid-sentence sometimes because I push my limits so far some nights. What a dork.

Set an alarm on my phone

It's set to go off each night at ten. The important next step is to actually go to bed when it starts ringing and not just hit snooze.

Say good night to the world

I think my iphone addiction often stands in the way of my getting to sleep at night. I usually go to bed with my phone and read things that I've been looking forward to all day long (like this or this).This has bad habit written all over it. To reach my goal of eight hours of sleep each night I need to keep my phone out of the bedroom. I'm no longer on call anymore so I have no need to keep it in arm's reach.

Develop a bedtime routine

Write the next day's to-do list. Shower. Brush my teeth. Moisturize my sad, dry skin. And peek in on the girls because sleeping children are delightfully sweet. Then go to bed.

Maybe don't drink a coffee at 8 pm

I do this all the time. What am I thinking? This habit stems in part from the necessity of studying or working every night after dinner, but I need to get more creative and step away from the coffee. I love tea (just not as much as coffee), so maybe I could come look forward to a cup of rooibos Earl Grey tea each night.

Embrace the cold

We finally have an air conditioner in our bedroom and I need to turn it on more. I fall asleep so much better when the room is cold and if my goal is to get a better sleep, why not help myself out as much as possible? My resource-saving instincts are to only turn in on during a heat wave, but cooling the room off just before heading to bed sounds like a good compromise.

I think this is a doable breakdown of new habits that will get me on my way to sleeping longer and better. I can't control some things, like the way my fibromyalgia gets in the way of me feeling rested some mornings, but I can control my bedtime. If you're interested in getting a better sleep, you might like these tips.

Do you have any suggestions for me? What is your bedtime routine?

Be well!
xo

 ***

Are you on Instagram? Why not be friends?

Even on bad days, I'll still be happy with you

Even on bad days, I'll still be happy with you.

This is a reminder to myself. I've been struggling with some low moods lately, trying to make some overwhelming (to me) changes, wanting so desperately to feel as though I'm doing the right thing.When I make decisions that don't fall in line with the life I want, I get down on myself. It's part of my DNA, being hard of myself, something I've had to maneuver around my whole life. It can be debilitating and confusing, because that kind of negative self-talk in no way helps my cause. My rational brain knows that. The rest of me doesn't. So as a shout-out to this year being about doing things differently, I'm going to work on being happy with myself even on days when my instinct is to dwell on all the things I wished I'd done differently. Positivity is a powerful currency.

Discipline is remembering what you want.

I didn't write that. I can't for the life of me remember which book I read that in (I'm pretty sure it was a cookbook of all things), but I love it. Some days I get all whiny and complainy about not being disciplined enough to accomplish my goals. I mope around longing for the secret the right amount of discipline I need to make the kind of decisions I want to make. Not to smoke. To eat nourishing food. To move my body. To get enough sleep. To do the kinds of things that might help me feel like such a slug (a well-meaning slug with fibromyalgia). But I'm starting to believe that discipline isn't magic but might be all about how we make decisions, and the only way I can make a decision is by understanding what I really want. I want to feel good. Vibrant, even! 

I have a lot of feelings. But I also have goals.

And clearly I am feeling all of these feelings right now. I'm in this in between space, putting some goals on hold in order to pursue other ones. Having goals is vital to this process of change for me (go read this on goal setting if you love to set goals almost as much as you love a good list) and I think I want to use this space to connect with my own goals more often. This blog used to be so much about my life at home with the girlies, and while I still expect to share about my family, I wonder if that's where it is going. I keep reading again and again that change is about the process, not the result, and I need the help to remember that. I remember by writing and sharing and feeling vulnerable. So my vulnerable self will enter this space more often. 

What are your goals? I'll be sharing mine tomorrow. 

Be well.

xo