11 tips for being an ordinary parent

1. Show up at home after a long day at and give in to the craziness of that witching hour commonly called "after school and dinner time." Accept that you feel frazzled after a long day at work or say, midwifery school, and that your children are only going to make you feel frazzlier. Yup, that's a word. One child will be happy to see you and the other will be panicking about a permission slip that ABSOLUTELY must be returned and where is it, Mama, where is it, where is it? Then the other child will declare that she doesn't like her dinner, while the permission slip child suddenly has no pants on. Come to terms with the crazy. Just go make yourself some food and you'll feel better soon. And tell that child who doesn't like her dinner to go and help herself to some cereal.

2. Always say yes to reading your child a book. Unless you have to go out and study, and then you have to say no. Make sure you only feel a little guilty.

3. Definitely don't serve vegetables at every meal. You know they say you should always offer healthy veggies at every meal, but if it's been a busy day and you're exhausted, just give them the damn pasta.

4. Give them a lot of kisses.

5. Sneak a chocolate bar from their Halloween candy and deny it wildly when one of your children finds the wrapper in the garbage. Then tell them it's not nice to accuse people of stealing candy. Yes, it happened.

6. More kisses.

7. Try to get your four year old dressed in a shirt and leggings. Then listen to her yelling that she wanted tights, not leggings. Just listen. Then explain that you don't have time to change clothes because you need to leave for school in five minutes. Don't tell her it's your fault for getting her dressed five minutes before you need to school, that you spent too much time packing lunches that you should have packed the night before. Don't tell her because she doesn't care. Then get her the tights.

8. Tell your daughter you will sew her new pajama pants the next day, the ones that don't fit her because nothing seems to fit her tiny body, not these pants or the three you bought her last month. Then forget to sew them because you're buried in studying for reproductive physiology. Then forget them the next day because you're buried in writing this blog post. Then maybe sew them on the weekend so your tiny child has pants that don't fall down her bum.

9. Tell your children that everyone makes mistakes. Tell them you've made at least 75 this week alone.

10. Remember that your children need to wash their hair and make a note to do it that night. Then when you forget, remember to do it the next night. Then a few days later actually put them in the shower with a bottle of shampoo.

11. Make pancakes for breakfast because you just feel like it, even though it's going to make everyone run late for school. Then bring your four year old leggings.

Because we should say I love you more often

My midwifery student colleagues are the best of people. This program is hard work and many of us feel as though we're on the edge, delicately balancing all of our responsibilities. This particular semester is known to be a catastrophe of demanding courses, with reproductively physiology, pharmacology, and clinical skills, where we were are introduced to such a tornado of skills that the room after class is often left in shambles (fake blood on the floor, sharps containers at every turn, stethoscopes willy-nilly) and you can almost taste the adrenaline in the air. There are assignments and presentations and exams and skills tests and we become exhausted. It's just a ton of work.

But. This group of women rocks my world. We look after each other, feed each other, look after children, study together, and commiserate with each other until the wee hours of morning. Sometimes we are called out in class to settle down, but what our instructors forget is that this is how we cope. We take it one day at a time and each day is better when we're laughing together about something or other. If this sounds contrived, not to worry. It's just actually true.

We're not all best friends but that's okay. We don't need to be best friends to reach out to one another. We're all here for different reasons, but the reasons don't really matter. We're here, now, and we will continue to make each other laugh and have the hard conversations as long as we need to.

One of our colleagues is withdrawing from the program and I'm writing all of this as a way to say thank you. Thank you for being all the things you are. You will be dearly missed and that is an understatement. We love you lots and want the best things for you. I miss you already.

Hille sporting a knitted placenta, courtesy of Kyla Austin. Hille will miss you, too.

Taking Stock

It's been months. That's just the way things are going right now. But here is a little bit of what the past few weeks have been like. 


Making: Things with yarn. I just finished my first ever knitting project for myself. It's a deep blue cowl and it will keep me warm all winter in Toronto. Other knitting projects on the go: my first pair of socks, repairing Shira's scarf that she "accidentally" pulled apart, and a hat for me.

Cooking: This week is my fall reading week at school and I have big, big cooking and baking plans to help me stock up for the rest of the term: this granola, squash soup, bran muffins, chickpea stew, pumpkin bread, and challah. And apple sauce.

Drinking: So much coffee. Returning to school this term has me face-to-face with one hell of a coffee obsession. I am trying desperately to throw some tea in the mix of my day to compensate for all this coffee, so I'm also drinking Earl Grey Rooibos and Mint Green tea. What can I say, I like hot drinks.

Reading: I found myself with hours to kill in the ER earlier this month, and I was lucky enough to pick up Lena Dunham's new book. Have you read it? She tells stories much in the same as she tells them in Girls. Just when you think she's being ridiculous she gets you in the gut and you start to cry. It was just the thing I've been wanting lately. I'm also mostly reading my physiology and pharmacology texts for midwifery school. 

Wanting: Midwifery school to be free! Tuition and childcare is frightening.

Looking: At October, obviously. 

Playing: Many, many rounds of Uno with the girlies. 

Deciding: What I need to do to make me feel healthy again.

Wishing: To go out dancing with my friends. Ridiculous, sweaty, send all your cares away dancing. Simultaneously wishing that I had enough energy to stay up late enough to actually go out dancing.

Enjoying: My midwifery school friends. What an amazing group of women.

Waiting: To start my first clinical placement in January!

Liking: How hard I've been studying. In spite of a nasty midterm last week, I know it's paying off.

Wondering: How my girlies will adjust when I begin clinical placement, on-call for almost four months.
Loving: The Fall.
Pondering: 

Considering: Exercising. I think all those people might be on to something.
Watching: Re-watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy and trying to ignore Izzie. #teamCristina
Hoping: To come to terms with work-life balance and its elusive nature.
Marvelling: At Shira's, dare I say, smooth transition to kindergarten. She's a natural! We never believed it would happen.
Needing: To miraculously find a way to cut some of our fixed costs. It's hard to budget and save when it doesn't feel like there is any wiggle room to do good. As I mentioned above, wrangling money for tuition and childcare is not easy for us, so the financial stress of returning to school full-time is starting to make us worry. In the words of my pharmacology prof, we'll just have to just keep swimming.
Smelling: The chocolate chip cookies I baked this week. I never really follow a recipe when it comes to the add-ins for cookies (the best part), so here is what I included: dark chocolate chips, salty pretzels, chia seeds, flax seeds, and coconut. Just what this Tuesday needed.
Wearing: A floral skirt that needs to be retired but I just can't. It's too good.
Following: No news. I'm hibernating with my head in the sand while I try and learn all the things about bodies and drugs and birth and babies.
Noticing: That I use language about bodies differently than many other people. Yesterday I was walking home from school with the girlies and informed Alyce that a pregnant friend of ours is growing a boy baby. She asked how the doctors could tell if the baby was a boy or a girl. I said, "The doctors could see his penis because they took a special picture of this inside of her uterus." The man standing next to me looked more than a little surprised by my directness. His jaw was on the ground, but he laughed as well, so nice one.
Knowing: Not enough pharmacology for my midterm this Wednesday.

Thinking: That it's a little embarrassing that I sometimes have to hide my head under the covers at night to protect my ears from being licked to oblivion by one tiny kitten. Did I mention we got a kitten? More on that another day.
Feeling: Many sore and tight muscles that are in need of a good month of yoga classes (and my chiropractor).
Admiring: Shira's ridiculous looking cast. Did I mention she broke her arm? I haven't mentioned much of anything lately it seems. Short version: Our Shira tripped on a twig while she was walking home from school. The result was two buckle fractures and a tiny cast for a tiny arm.
Sorting: Through my daughters' room to sneak out a bag or two of old toys and clothes.
Buying: Not very many things. See above note re: high costs of tuition.
Getting: Much almost-birthday love! My mum gifted me an early birthday present of an incredible warm down winter coat, and Matt has ordered me a beautiful necklace (we can't keep anything from each other and are embarrassingly bad at surprises).
Bookmarking: Bread recipes mostly.
Disliking: How many times I have been sick this year. I would like my immune system back, please.
Opening: Many new midwifery textbooks.
Giggling: Whenever I think about Jack and Liz. I never get tired of that show.
Snacking: Cookies and apples, from our recent apple picking trip.
Coveting: Confidence.
Wishing: That I could help my daughter with all her six-year-old anxiety.
Helping: My grandmother navigate the healthcare system. There are some mighty long wait times for specialists in this province.
Hearing: An incredible October thunderstorm!

Be well!
xo

Taking Stock

Are you enjoying your summer yet? Have you found yourself on a patio yet? Jumped in a lake? Sipped on sangria? Found yourself already complaining the endless heat and humidity? That would be me, that last one. But in spite of the heat and endless stickiness, I am enjoying my summer immensely. I thought I'd take stock today, inspired by Pip at Meet Me at Mike's. You know I love a good list.

Making: Does putting together Ikea chairs for the girlies' desk count as "making"? I think it does.

Cooking: Apple, peach, and blueberry crisp (inspired by Gwyneth's "Anything Flourless Crumble").

Drinking: Water with ginger, lemon, and mint. And always coffee with a little milk. (Mostly. See below.)

Reading: Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn and book one of Game of Thrones

Wanting: To make friends with someone who has a swimming pool.

Looking: At the portfolio of Alyce's creations today. It includes a passionate poem about the sun.

Playing: Not enough boardgames. I love boardgames and we only have scrabble.

Deciding: How to best nourish my body. More on that soon.

Wishing: That my apartment had central air-conditioning.

Enjoying: How much reading I've done since finishing the school year in May.

Waiting: For the next road trip with the girlies!

Liking: The taste of black coffee more than I thought I would. I'm trying to lose the milk.

Wondering: How to help Shira through some severe separation anxiety.
Loving: The colours of summer. The greens alone make me weepy.
Pondering: The reproductive organs (thinking about school this fall)!
Considering: Not dying my hair.
Watching: The Red Sox play the Yankees
Hoping: That I won't get lost in the chaos and forget to enjoy the loveliness of summer holidays.
Marvelling: At Alyce's ability to climb any tree.
Needing: Some more energy!
Smelling: Toronto in the summer, the good (endless gardens) and the bad (garbage in the heat).
Wearing: A black-and-white stripped sleeveless cotton dress that's helping me cope with the heat.
Following: The World Cup, counting the days until it's over. It's just not my thing.
Noticing: That habits are a very hard thing to change.
Knowing: That I have the best family ever. (Sorry.)

Thinking: That I'd like to visit the ocean again.
Feeling: My incisions from my surgery last week. Ouch.
Admiring: Matty's new haircut. He was starting to look like a hippie.
Sorting: Through so much stuff all over my house.
Buying: Good food.
Getting: Homemade soup deliveries after my surgery last week! (Thank you Pauline and Sarah!)
Bookmarking: Always more recipes.
Disliking: Recovering from laparoscopic abdominal surgery.
Opening: Old boxes filled with the artwork of my children.
Giggling: Every time Shira giggles.
Snacking: On dark chocolate with sea salted almonds.

Coveting: Many new pairs of shoes. Like these.
Wishing: That I knew how to heal my body.
Helping: The neighbourhood snails, saving them from treacherous sidewalks and ill-fated perches.
Hearing: Birds, squirrels, giggles, yells, air conditioners, little feet.

Tell me what's going on in your world!
Be well xo

Seven years and all I got was this awesome family

You and me, plus three cats and two children. We were married seven years ago, today. Last year we completely forgot about it, but this year the champagne is already chilling in the fridge. Almost every day I both take our family for granted and shake my head at the luck I must have to land this family of mine.

Happy anniversary, Matty. I love you to the moon and stars.

Exhale and an update

Deep breath out.

I won't go into to all the reasons why I haven't shown up in this space lately, because there is only one: full-time school sealed my fate as a woman too busy to blog. If I had a spare moment after family obligations and school, I was usually to be found snoring on the couch next to Matty or asleep in Shira's bed. I would sometimes come home after a long night of studying and sneak into her bed, pretending to check in on her, but really just looking to snuggle up with her under the covers. I missed the girls so much over the course of this chaotic year, and it was healing to slide into Shira's bed. She wouldn't wake up, but she would know enough to roll into me and stick a hand down my shirt and maybe cup my face with her other hand. I would breathe her in, try to forget about the deadline I was probably unprepared for, and feel better. Sometimes I would even change into my pajamas first.

So without any giant promises or declarations, I'm back for the summer. I have the next four months free from school, I'll be working part-time from home, and I'll be doing all the daytime parenting until school starts up again in September. A week ago we took Shira out of daycare for the rest of the summer to hang out with me at home, both for reasons of saving some money and of me needing to spend some time with the girlies. For the time being it will be just me and Shira, and then at the very end of June Alyce will join us. It will feel like old times and will hopefully spark some oversharing right here on the blog.  Summer adventures await!

Now for the updates.

Alyce

• She is six, and enjoying the homestretch of grade one. She calls herself a "Grade Oner" and that makes me laugh every time I hear it. She dreams of the day she'll be a "Grade Twoer." 
• She loves telling me what she learned at school. A few weeks ago she explained kinetic energy with more clarity and passion than I could have mustered. 
• She writes book reports when she's bored. 
• Bouncing, skipping, and leaping are still her favourite modes of transportation.
• New freckles appear on her cheekbones every week.
• She received four dollars from the Tooth Fairy for her first lost tooth in December.
• She's the most generous person I know.
• Hanging from the monkey bars is her favourite after school activity. 
• She seems to be inheriting my perfectionism. I'm trying to model imperfection, which isn't too hard because I make a lot of mistakes.
• She actually sparkles.

 

Shira

• Yesterday she turned four. 
• Today she tried the big kid swing at the park from the first time.
• She's not all that interested in sharing, and still frequently yells at strangers when they look at her the wrong way.
• She has taken over the position of sous-chef in our kitchen and she is a delightful assistant. In the week she's been home from daycare we've made two batches of muffins, rice krispy squaures, tomato sauce, roast chicken, grilled salmon, and, of course, cookies. She takes her kitchen responsibilities very seriously. She steals pinches of brown sugar the second my back is turned.
• Still very loud.
• She's afraid of ants.
• She spontaneously declares her love for me at fifteen minute intervals.
• She's all mine. 

Matty

• He is leaving on a ten-day, all-fun trip to France "for work." His job? To tour around Paris, Nice, and Cannes with university students. I'm too green with jealously to say anymore about this. 

Me

• I've finished year one of a four-year midwifery degree. 
• I am exhausted.
• I can't wait to start year two in September.
• I have grown out my short hair cut. My secret? Don't get a hair cut for fifteen months.
• Red lipstick has become my new favourite accessory. 
• I have jumped into a summer reading season, beginning with Game of Thrones.
• I am searching for a gluten-free challah recipe for Shabbat dinners. Know of any?
• I cultured my lab partner's vaginal flora in lab this semester. And my own urine. It was awesome.
• I was super sick between February and April. Strep throat that required a visit to the ER for morphine and steroids, another trip to the ER for an inflamed gall bladder that will be removed sometime this summer, and a stomach flu straight from Hell. 
• I totally called Connecticut's victory in April. #marchmadness
• I'm pretty excited to have a whole summer with the girlies.