For Matty

It can't always be about vaginas.

When I hear this song I am reminded how much I am loved by this remarkable man. We've been married almost five years and none of these years qualify as those early honeymoon years people tell me about, where time is made up of just the two of you, figuring your way around the world. We are certainly figuring out the world together, but this married world of ours has always been filled with so many unknowns. Our marriage has almost always been the marriage of a family, not just the two of us. Alyce came almost instantly (please don't remind my grandmother that we were pregnant before the wedding--she's still reeling from the news four years later), and then a move so far away from our family.

Marriage is work no matter what the circumstances, this I know. But how lucky I am to navigate this life with a man who would give me anything, do anything, to make my world better. There was a time in Delaware when I was struggling to connect with our life, self-absorbed with the next steps I would take. I hadn't yet decided to leave graduate school and I was stuck. I pulled away from Matt emotionally sometimes because I didn't know where I was (so how could I share it with him?). One day he reached out to me with this song, adding it to my ipod, nudging me to listen. He said this song was his voice. And it made all the difference in the world.

Happy Valentine's Day to my favourite.